Scenes We Never Saw: The Shakespeare Code

INT. Bedroom

MARTHA blows out the candle. She turns to the Doctor and puts one leg over his body.

DOCTOR
Ooh, you are a fine lady, Martha Jones.

MARTHA
Doctor... move over...

DOCTOR
Okay... ooh that is nice... ooh I'm getting a sensation in my area... ooh HARDER HARDER DO IT! MARTHA OH YES COME ON BABY GIVE IT TO ME! WOOHOO! HARDER! FASTER! OH YES! OH YES! 

MARTHA (shocked)
What the hell is wrong with you?!

DOCTOR
I... I... thought you were...

MARTHA
You think I'm your slag?! Time Lord? Time pimp, more like.

DOCTOR
Hey! I grew out of that a long time ago!

MARTHA
Whaaa?

DOCTOR
Back on Gallifrey-

MARTHA
I'm sorry, what?

DOCTOR
Gallifrey. Oh, I don't tell you about that until Gridlock. But yeah, I used to run a little Gentleman's club...

MARTHA
You. Are. Disgusting!DOCTORIt paid my porn obsession!

MARTHA
What was that? Men on the other bus?

DOCTOR
Time Ladies.

MARTHA
Wipe the drool off yer face.

DOCTOR
Sorry :o

Scenes We Never Saw: Journey's End: Part 1

INT: The TARDIS

ROSE
Shho, Marshha, what did you mean when you shhaid that the Doctor... found me?

MARTHA
It's Martha. Oh and it's 'cause I was being nice... he was SO mentally heartbroken when he met me.

ROSE (taken aback)
What the hell? He was that shhhad?

MARTHA
Yeah! He was all sobby wobby waa waa, where is Rose gone... she left her dild-

ROSE
Oi! He better not have shhhown you our shhhecret shhhex-

MARTHA
He did. All of it. And the videos...


Flashback: In the TARDIS video room

MARTHA
So... this is your video collection?

THE DOCTOR
Yap! Sorry, who are you again?

MARTHA
Martha! For heaven's sake you Time Lard!

THE DOCTOR
Ah yes... the medical student... I'm the Doctor, by the way... what are you doing here again?

MARTHA *slaps the Doctor*
Get it into your dumb, puny brain that I am your companion now! Rose went ages ago! Grr!

THE DOCTOR
Oh Rose... :( ... Did I mention that this was the video we recorded after Tooth and Claw? We just met the Queen Victoria and we were so randy then... *hands the video to Martha*

MARTHA
What the flip am I meant to do with this? Watch it?

THE DOCTOR
Might give you some tips...

MARTHA
:eek:

End of Flashback

ROSE
Bloody hell! He was messshed up in the head!

MARTHA
Yeah... but at least you're gonna live with that clone dude now.

ROSE
How did you know?!

MARTHA
It's called reading the script. Did they teach you how to read in Chav School?

ROSE
Biatch! *slaps Martha*

SARAH JANE
Rose! *hugs*

MARTHA hugs Jack and everyone blah blah blah.... Martha goes outside to say goodbye, ROSE sticks her middle finger up. 

Martha meets River Song

MARTHA
You mean, you and the Doctor? In the future?

RIVER
Yeah! It is... well, will be, tres cool, like.

MARTHA
Okay! Don't talk to me like I'm a teenager!

RIVER
How old are you again?

MARTHA
Erm... well... Russell hasn't exactly said...

RIVER
Shush! You are not allowed to speak the name of the God here!

MARTHA
Who? Russell? What are you on about?

RIVER
Don't they teach RE in nursery these days?

MARTHA
Oh, shut it, freak!

*punches River*

THE DOCTOR
Martha! What the hell are you doing?

MARTHA
She started it!

THE DOCTOR
I'm sorry, who are you again?

MARTHA
Look at my name ^^ Martha!

THE DOCTOR
Oh right... the one who replaces Rose, even though I don't really like you/like you and then you end up leaving because Vicki says so?

MARTHA
I'm shocked.

RIVER groans.
RIVER dies. MARTHA smiles.

THE DOCTOR
Now look what you did, you silly person! What was your name again?

MARTHA
MARTHA!

THE DOCTOR
Oh! The supertemp from Chiswick? Oh no, not yet... erm... the shop assistant from Henrik's? No, not blonde enough...

MARTHA
I'm Martha Jones, the trainee Doctor from Royal Hope Hospital!!!! Get that into your Time Lord puny brain!

THE DOCTOR
Who are you again?

MARTHA
Argh! Woah...

FX: Time changes, blah blah blah, lots of fireworks, flashbacks, zoomy stuff, cheapo 70s effects...

THE DOCTOR appears with JENNY at his side.

THE DOCTOR
We're dating!

MARTHA
Yuck.

THE DOCTOR
Hey! That's no way to treat her! Is it Jenny Wenny Hunny Bunny?

JENNY
No, Daddy Waddy Doccy Woccy!

MARTHA
Yuck.

JENNY
You're just jealous!

MARTHA
Of what? The fact that they made incest legal?

THE DOCTOR
=O

Ugh Pairings: Martha and River Song

"So... you're Martha?" River Song asked, walking towards her, taking off her helmet.
"Yeah... you are?" Martha was puzzled by this handsome woman who seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
"River, River Song. I'm the Doctor's wife!"
"Great," Martha forced a smile, rolling her eyes in her mind. Great! Another one to join the Doctor's harem - who next?!
River Song pushed Martha really hard. "Oi! What the hell was that for?"
"I could ask you the same!" Martha rubbed her chest where River had punched her. Suddenly, a blue light of love brought them together...

... Martha awoke to face a white light. She was lying in a bed, next to River Song. River looked at her proudly. "Well done," she smiled, "You have joined the club."

The Doctor pops his head out of the duvet and smiles. "Welcome to my harem!"

Oh no...