Rani licked Clyde's lollipop.
"Yum! Chocolate flavour!" Rani grinned, taking another lick.
"Yeah it's great, isn't it?" Sarah Jane had a taste.
"Mum, I want a go!" Luke squealed, sounding a lot like Maria.
Sarah Jane was turned on by this.
"I want some more!" Rani was hungry for more. Then she took a nice big bite out of it.
"There's a nice, creamy centre inside." Clyde told him, offering them some more.
The creamy centre exploded all over Rani's face.
"That's not fair." Luke moaned.
"Don't worry Luke, I have lots, especially for you." Sarah Jane said, offering her package.
The End.
Desperately Seeking Bea Nelson-Stanley - Part One
It was quite hot and Sarah Jane was all alone with Bea. She saw Bea's old, white hair and longed to run her hands through it. Then she blushed as she stared at Bea's skin. Oh it was so wrinkly and bumpy, full of liver spots and random bits of fluff.
Sarah Jane licked her lips at the thought.
Bea croaked and looked back at Sarah Jane, smiling. "I know what you are thinking." She murmured, "Those pesky potato-headed Sontarans wanted some of this too." She undid her Marks & Spencers' cardigan to show Sarah Jane what she was talking about. Sarah Jane's eyes widened at the sight before her.
Sarah Jane made the first move. Her hands brushed across Bea's dentures. A sizzling thrill raced down Sarah Jane's body and ended at her hips. Bea returned the favour by licking Sarah Jane's left earlobe. Sarah Jane went in full force and shoved her hungry face in between Bea's doilies.
Suddenly, the door crashed open and a police officer stood there, amazed. "What the hell is this?!" He squealed. trying to pretend he wasn't turned on by it.
Bea stood back and muttered, "I don't know."
And as Sarah Jane wiped the cobwebs away from her mouth, the policeman arrested her... and through the window, Maria Jackson chuckled...
TO BE CONTINUED!!
Sarah Jane licked her lips at the thought.
Bea croaked and looked back at Sarah Jane, smiling. "I know what you are thinking." She murmured, "Those pesky potato-headed Sontarans wanted some of this too." She undid her Marks & Spencers' cardigan to show Sarah Jane what she was talking about. Sarah Jane's eyes widened at the sight before her.
Sarah Jane made the first move. Her hands brushed across Bea's dentures. A sizzling thrill raced down Sarah Jane's body and ended at her hips. Bea returned the favour by licking Sarah Jane's left earlobe. Sarah Jane went in full force and shoved her hungry face in between Bea's doilies.
Suddenly, the door crashed open and a police officer stood there, amazed. "What the hell is this?!" He squealed. trying to pretend he wasn't turned on by it.
Bea stood back and muttered, "I don't know."
And as Sarah Jane wiped the cobwebs away from her mouth, the policeman arrested her... and through the window, Maria Jackson chuckled...
TO BE CONTINUED!!
Whatever Happened to Clarah Jane?
INT. SARAH JANE'S HOUSE
SARAH JANE
Omg Clyde that was amazing!
CLYDE
I know right.
SARAH JANE
No I mean seriously! Where did you learn all that?!
FLASHBACK: CLYDE and MARIA are at a desk.
MARIA
So this is Number 7.
CLYDE
7?!
MARIA
Yeah.
CLYDE
7?!?!?!
MARIA
I thought it was obvious.
CLYDE
Oh, I'm looking at it upside down.
MARIA
No, you're not.
CLYDE
Ew, who's is that big?!
MARIA
Hey!
CLYDE
Excuse me, while I puke.
MARIA
Twat.
CLYDE
Wideset.
END OF FLASHBACK.
SARAH JANE
Quick, let's clean up before Luke gets back.
CLYDE
Boy, we're gonna need a huge mop for that!
SARAH JANE
Oh come on, I can make more than that.
CLYDE and SARAH JANE look at one white droplet on the floor.
The door opens. LUKE enters.
LUKE
What the hell?! (shielding eyes)
SARAH JANE and CLYDE desperately try to put their clothes back on.
CLYDE
Hey hey! Luke ma man! We were just er..
SARAH JANE
Sorry Luke. We were making love.
LUKE
EW! I thought you were teaching him about sexual education, like you did to me.
SARAH JANE
That would have been a better explanation...
CLYDE
Er what?
LUKE
What?
SARAH JANE
What??
CLYDE
You teach him Sex Ed?
SARAH JANE
Yeah...
CLYDE
You said I was the only man for you!
LUKE
That's a lie! Mum said I was the only man for her!
CLYDE
Ha ha ha.
LUKE
What? Can't take it that I have perfect genitalia?
CLYDE
Maria has bigger genitalia than you.
MARIA (background)
I heard that!!
CLYDE
What the hell are you doing Maria?
MARIA comes out behind the sofa with a stick.
MARIA
Sorry, Sarah Jane.
SARAH JANE
I am fed up with you!
MARIA
Me?
SARAH JANE
Yes you! Everywhere I go, you are ALWAYS there, either with your stick or your dad. You are SO annoying!
MARIA
(crying)
Waaa! I'm so sorry Sarah Jane I promise I love you I'm so sorry don't let me go I love you no please Sarah Jane let's go and do it again, please!
CLYDE
What?!
SARAH JANE
Er...
CLYDE
You've been three-timing me?
SARAH JANE
I can explain!
CLYDE
I don't wanna hear it. (Leaves.)
(beat)
LUKE
Mum, I'm hungry.
SARAH JANE
(unbuttoning shirt)
Ugh, fine. But quickly though, Maria wants a go too.
MARIA
Yay! (licks lips)
THE END.
Sarah Jane Incestigates
"HARDER! LUKE! HARDER!!!"
Sarah Jane moaned for Luke to do her harder. "Here, Luke. In this bit!"
Luke look at her body. She was pointing to a line but... argh! There were too many lines! "Which wrinkle?" He cried helpessly, nearly bursting into tears.
Sarah Jane grabbed his firecracker and slammed it in her mousetrap. Luke moaned... "Yes! YES! YESSS!"
Luke awoke with a start. He was sweating buckets. "Phew, it was only a dream," he reassured himself, before snuggling up to his mother who was in his bed. Naked.
Sarah Jane moaned for Luke to do her harder. "Here, Luke. In this bit!"
Luke look at her body. She was pointing to a line but... argh! There were too many lines! "Which wrinkle?" He cried helpessly, nearly bursting into tears.
Sarah Jane grabbed his firecracker and slammed it in her mousetrap. Luke moaned... "Yes! YES! YESSS!"
Luke awoke with a start. He was sweating buckets. "Phew, it was only a dream," he reassured himself, before snuggling up to his mother who was in his bed. Naked.
Heil, Sarah! (part 1)
Sarah Jane ran her fingers along her gun. She loved the cold, metallic feeling of it as she recalled her adventures with the Nazis in the past. It was inbetween one of her adventures with the Doctor, when she decided to drug the Doctor and so she took control of the TARDIS and sent herself to World War II, where she trained as a Nazi and bore many children (8, in fact) and was given a gold star which she cherished forever. She then remembered sodomizing the Doctor and anti-drugging him, pretending that he had fallen asleep.
Ah, the good old times.
Suddenly, the door whammed open and in stepped Luke with a mug of tea for his mom. Sarah quickly put the gun away into the drawer and slammed it shut.
"What was that?" Luke asked, giving the mug to Sarah.
"Oh, just that Kalenite steel. It was energising and it needs darkness to do it."
"Oh, cool." Luke waved goodbye and went off to Rani's house opposite. As he exited the house, Sarah Jane called for Mr Smith as she stripped bare.
Mr Smith appeared with a fanfare and a monotonic greeting, "How may I help you, Sarah Jane?"
Sarah Jane stood there naked as she put on her new clothing, "Locate the kids. I want them dead."
"I'm... sorry?!" Mr Smith, for the first time ever, displayed emotion. Maybe it was because Sarah Jane was naked in front of him. Y'know, naked. Wrinkles. Boobies. Wrinkles. Hair.
"I want them dead!" She screamed, slipping into her khaki suit and donning her red cap.
"O-okay," Mr Smith stuttered, as the screen read 'DEATH RAY SENT'. A few screams came from outside.
"And now I want their bodies," She grinned, applying her black lipstick and plastering a swastika on her cheeks. "And now, we shall rule the world again!"
Mr Smith screamed...
Ah, the good old times.
Suddenly, the door whammed open and in stepped Luke with a mug of tea for his mom. Sarah quickly put the gun away into the drawer and slammed it shut.
"What was that?" Luke asked, giving the mug to Sarah.
"Oh, just that Kalenite steel. It was energising and it needs darkness to do it."
"Oh, cool." Luke waved goodbye and went off to Rani's house opposite. As he exited the house, Sarah Jane called for Mr Smith as she stripped bare.
Mr Smith appeared with a fanfare and a monotonic greeting, "How may I help you, Sarah Jane?"
Sarah Jane stood there naked as she put on her new clothing, "Locate the kids. I want them dead."
"I'm... sorry?!" Mr Smith, for the first time ever, displayed emotion. Maybe it was because Sarah Jane was naked in front of him. Y'know, naked. Wrinkles. Boobies. Wrinkles. Hair.
"I want them dead!" She screamed, slipping into her khaki suit and donning her red cap.
"O-okay," Mr Smith stuttered, as the screen read 'DEATH RAY SENT'. A few screams came from outside.
"And now I want their bodies," She grinned, applying her black lipstick and plastering a swastika on her cheeks. "And now, we shall rule the world again!"
Mr Smith screamed...
Heil, Sarah! (part 2)
"Noooo!" Sarah Jane felt her head go crazy until she became dumb.
"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Mr Smith cackled, "Now the Communist Xyloks will rule all!"
Sarah Jane awoke, "WHAT?!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Mr Smith cackled, "Now the Communist Xyloks will rule all!"
Sarah Jane awoke, "WHAT?!"
A Letter to Sarah Jane
Dear Sarah,
Hi. That's all I can say after what we did together. And I enjoyed every bit of it. What we did together was passionate and fun and I hope to do it again frequently some day. I can't believe I met you again. The atmosphere then was so tense and I really hope we can meet again some day. The atmosphere was hot hot hot!
Go on then, spit it out. I don't mind. What have you been up to? What have you been doing? I've heard about you, in that attic with your boy. What do you do together?
I heard about your encounted with the Slitheen. In a school. Did you get to do anything to them? Did they do anything bad? Were you hurt?
From Rose... xxx
__________________
Did you guess the smutty meanings? Well, to start off with, she was talking about Journeys End and how they moved a Dalek out of the way together... and then she talked about how hot it was because the world was gonna end and it was sweatily scary... LOL =D
Scenes We Never Saw: Journey's End: Part 0.5
SARAH JANE
Davros... it's you!
DAVROS
Ah yes... Sarah Jane Smith... I remember when-
SARAH JANE
Shh! Don't tell them!
DAVROS
What? About the time when you came to visit the birth of the Daleks in the story Genesis of the Daleks?
SARAH JANE
DAVROS
Ah yes... Sarah Jane Smith... I remember when-
SARAH JANE
Shh! Don't tell them!
DAVROS
What? About the time when you came to visit the birth of the Daleks in the story Genesis of the Daleks?
SARAH JANE
Oh, I thought you meant something else.
DAVROS
DAVROS
And what would that be?
SARAH JANE
Our encounter previously...?
DAVROS
Ah yes... I remember quite clearly...
Flashback: INT - A house. Davros is looking through a magazine. A woman walks in, wearing a short, sparkly thing (which is apparently called clothing, but only in Slutland, I gather...)
SARAH JANE
Ah, I'm here.
DAVROS
Are you the woman I called?
SARAH JANE
Quite rightly so. I've brought my own little toys too.
DAVROS
You won't be needing them. Do your thing...
SARAH JANE
Oh yes. I will.
End of Flashback.
JACK
What the hell was that?!
SARAH JANE
Oh my word... can someone cut that out from the final broadcast please?
DAVROS
Ha ha ha... Sarah Jane... will you accompany me to destroy the world?
SARAH JANE
Our encounter previously...?
DAVROS
Ah yes... I remember quite clearly...
Flashback: INT - A house. Davros is looking through a magazine. A woman walks in, wearing a short, sparkly thing (which is apparently called clothing, but only in Slutland, I gather...)
SARAH JANE
Ah, I'm here.
DAVROS
Are you the woman I called?
SARAH JANE
Quite rightly so. I've brought my own little toys too.
DAVROS
You won't be needing them. Do your thing...
SARAH JANE
Oh yes. I will.
End of Flashback.
JACK
What the hell was that?!
SARAH JANE
Oh my word... can someone cut that out from the final broadcast please?
DAVROS
Ha ha ha... Sarah Jane... will you accompany me to destroy the world?
SARAH JANE
Er... NO!
DAVROS
Ha ha ha... You, Jack? C'mon! A cronie needs some help.
SUPREME DALEK
Then what am I for?
DAVROS
Colour.
JACK
Suree! *teleports to Davros' side*
ALL gasp.
Er... NO!
DAVROS
Ha ha ha... You, Jack? C'mon! A cronie needs some help.
SUPREME DALEK
Then what am I for?
DAVROS
Colour.
JACK
Suree! *teleports to Davros' side*
ALL gasp.
Sarah Jane Adventures: Attack of the Love Bugs
INT. Sarah Jane' kitchen
LUKE
So, when you say lesbian, you mean that two women like each other?
MARIA
Yes, and they love each other. But they don't like men.
LUKE
But Clyde says that I'm meant to like woman-
MARIA
Clyde, you homophobe!
CLYDE
Hey! I just said it was normal...
(MARIA rolls her eyes)
LUKE
Yeah, so... what is a gay then?
MARIA
Gay people are people who like the same sex! Why don't you understand this?
LUKE
That is incompatible with my knowledge! I know that sex means putting a male's p-
CLYDE
O-kay! Let's stop there, shall we!
MARIA
*looks at watch* Oh, I have to go now. It's dinnertime. See ya!
(MARIA leaves)
LUKE
I think I might be gay.
CLYDE
Eh?
LUKE
I have a strange sensation when I look at you...
CLYDE
What, you mean...?
LUKE
My toffee stick goes gloopy.
CLYDE
But yesterday I showed you Nuts magazine and the same thing happened!
LUKE
I know... what is going on?
CLYDE
Hmm... I wonder...
(LUKE gets up and starts to unzip his trousers)
CLYDE
Double-you-tee-eff are you doing?!
LUKE
I'm inspecting it. Why, is that bad?
CLYDE
You do that in your own time!
LUKE
But-
CLYDE
Quick! Sarah Jane's coming!
SARAH JANE opens the door, her wrist watch begins to beep suddenly.
SARAH JANE
Oh God, I can never have time off without any alien activity around... what's this? *inspects watch readings* I'm getting a reading from...
... Luke.
LUKE
Mummy, will you kiss me?
ALL gasp!
LUKE
I... er... didn't mean that!
CLYDE
Miss Smith! You are one haaaawt milf!
ALL gasp!
CLYDE
What the hell is going on?!
LUKE kisses CLYDE on the lips.
SARAH JANE
It's the love bugs!!
CLYDE (taking off hoodie)
The what?
SARAH JANE
It makes people... attracted to other people. It's very wierd and very randy!
LUKE
Clyde, will you suc-
SARAH JANE
Don't do anything! Wait here! *runs to the attic*
(cont.)
Mr Smith! I need you schmexy baby!
MR SMITH blares open!
MR SMITH
Hey... schmexy baby. What can I do for you today? Or rather, how shall I-
SARAH JANE
Mr Smith, I need you to fu-
(v.o. No! I must resist this!)
I need you to stop the love bugs and send them away!
MR SMITH
Yes siree madam. Anything for this fine lady standing in front of me.
(on the screen reads HATE RAY SENT)
The house rumbles for a nanosecond...
INT. The Kitchen
CLYDE (pulling his clothes back on)
That was disgustingly rank!
LUKE (doing his tie up)
It felt like we were possessed.
SARAH JANE (entering kitchen)
Yes, we were. It was the love bugs. The pesky race. Mr Smith sent a hate ray and scared them away. (leaves kitchen)
LUKE
Clyde... I wasn't actually possessed.
CLYDE
:eek:
LUKE
So, when you say lesbian, you mean that two women like each other?
MARIA
Yes, and they love each other. But they don't like men.
LUKE
But Clyde says that I'm meant to like woman-
MARIA
Clyde, you homophobe!
CLYDE
Hey! I just said it was normal...
(MARIA rolls her eyes)
LUKE
Yeah, so... what is a gay then?
MARIA
Gay people are people who like the same sex! Why don't you understand this?
LUKE
That is incompatible with my knowledge! I know that sex means putting a male's p-
CLYDE
O-kay! Let's stop there, shall we!
MARIA
*looks at watch* Oh, I have to go now. It's dinnertime. See ya!
(MARIA leaves)
LUKE
I think I might be gay.
CLYDE
Eh?
LUKE
I have a strange sensation when I look at you...
CLYDE
What, you mean...?
LUKE
My toffee stick goes gloopy.
CLYDE
But yesterday I showed you Nuts magazine and the same thing happened!
LUKE
I know... what is going on?
CLYDE
Hmm... I wonder...
(LUKE gets up and starts to unzip his trousers)
CLYDE
Double-you-tee-eff are you doing?!
LUKE
I'm inspecting it. Why, is that bad?
CLYDE
You do that in your own time!
LUKE
But-
CLYDE
Quick! Sarah Jane's coming!
SARAH JANE opens the door, her wrist watch begins to beep suddenly.
SARAH JANE
Oh God, I can never have time off without any alien activity around... what's this? *inspects watch readings* I'm getting a reading from...
... Luke.
LUKE
Mummy, will you kiss me?
ALL gasp!
LUKE
I... er... didn't mean that!
CLYDE
Miss Smith! You are one haaaawt milf!
ALL gasp!
CLYDE
What the hell is going on?!
LUKE kisses CLYDE on the lips.
SARAH JANE
It's the love bugs!!
CLYDE (taking off hoodie)
The what?
SARAH JANE
It makes people... attracted to other people. It's very wierd and very randy!
LUKE
Clyde, will you suc-
SARAH JANE
Don't do anything! Wait here! *runs to the attic*
(cont.)
Mr Smith! I need you schmexy baby!
MR SMITH blares open!
MR SMITH
Hey... schmexy baby. What can I do for you today? Or rather, how shall I-
SARAH JANE
Mr Smith, I need you to fu-
(v.o. No! I must resist this!)
I need you to stop the love bugs and send them away!
MR SMITH
Yes siree madam. Anything for this fine lady standing in front of me.
(on the screen reads HATE RAY SENT)
The house rumbles for a nanosecond...
INT. The Kitchen
CLYDE (pulling his clothes back on)
That was disgustingly rank!
LUKE (doing his tie up)
It felt like we were possessed.
SARAH JANE (entering kitchen)
Yes, we were. It was the love bugs. The pesky race. Mr Smith sent a hate ray and scared them away. (leaves kitchen)
LUKE
Clyde... I wasn't actually possessed.
CLYDE
:eek:
What If... the Doctor dies like this?
THE DOCTOR
No, no, Rose, Just stay calm.
ROSE
Sorry Doctor. You were never good enough in bed.
(Shoots the Doctor)
The Doctor falls onto the ground in pain.
DONNA
You go girlfriend!
MARTHA
Erm, Donna babs, that's sooo lez!
DONNA
Ew! How dare you! Callin' me a lez? Did you see your jacket in Series Three?
ROSE
Don't diss the jacks! I have a purple one and you got that tan one.
MARTHA
Yeah, Donna, don't diss the jacks!
THE DOCTOR groans
ROSE
Shut up, Time Lard!
MARTHA
Yeah! He deserved that for the whole bastardo way he treated me in Series Three.
DONNA
I know! And he is so uber alien martian pervy the way he made me half of him! Why would I want some messed up Gallibrainian body part?
ROSE
Oh, I've seen them and they are sooo not 10 inch.
MARTHA
Well, I'm happy to know that I failed in doing so.
DONNA
Oh come on! You didn't really want to!
MARTHA
The Shakespeare Code - after I blew out the candle?
ROSE
I cry for your gain.
MARTHA
You mean loss.
ROSE
No, seriously, there was nothing there.
DONNA
Ew! And that Sarah Bane Jane was with him when he was younger, right?
MARTHA & ROSE
Perv!
ROSE
Lulz, GMTA, dudie!
DONNA
And he was such a perv, like, she touched this hand...
ALL
Ewwwww!
MARTHA
And didn't he have a ... male companion?
ROSE
Yeah! Like three times!
ALL
Ewwwwww!
DONNA
What a total perv!
ROSE
Sarah Brain is an OAP anywayz lulz.
SARAH JANE
Oi! I'll have you know I'm not that old-
MARTHA
40 is like OAP, darling!
DONNA
Yeah, and I heard you do it with kids!
ALL
Ewwwwww!
ROSE
Yeah, it seems like the perviness spreads to the companions!
ALL pause for a moment.
ALL
Ewwwwwwww!
MARTHA
Donna did see him... neked
ROSE
And you were chasing around balls in that year!!
MARTHA
Racist!
DONNA
Leave her outta this, yeah? It's not her fault she only gets half the action! *chuckle*
ROSE
Do you know how annoying it is? He's like... half of everything! And he's always moaning about how he feels so bad about Martha and Donna waa waa waa
MARTHA
Seriously? When I was with him, he was all Rose Rose Rose Sob Sob Hi Martha Sob Sob Rose...
ROSE
Stupid stalking perv.
DONNA
He followed me when I went to Adipose Industries!
MARTHA
Perv!
DONNA
I know! And I was like, I am so not trying to find you! And then he-
ROSE
But... you were trying to find him!
DONNA
Oi! Don't go there!
SARAH JANE
Actually-
ROSE
Are you still here?
MARTHA
Yeah, go back to your stupid gringy attic!
DONNA
And your kids! Who are they anyway? Did you adopt them?
SARAH JANE
Actually-
DONNA
Did you find them on the street? Did you pick them up in your car?
MARTHA
Ewwwwwww!
ROSE
That's rank, man.
DONNA
Hey! I'm no man!
ROSE and MARTHA exchange glances.
DONNA
Oi! Don't do that!
ROSE
We never said anything...
MARTHA
And you are half-Doctor....
ROSE
Oh you had to say that, didn't you? Stupid Toclafane girl.
MARTHA
Shut up! Parallax Biatch!
DONNA
I am so enjoying this, where's the popcorn?
ROSE
Under your BOXERS!
DONNA
Oi!
MARTHA
Or your-
DONNA
Shut up Martha! You... you... voodoo... thing!
MARTHA
Brings back memories...
ROSE
Of what? You and the Doctor trying it on?
DONNA
Or just you trying it on?
MARTHA
Or was it you going to the GENTS' LOOS?!
ROSE
Woah, dudie, you didn't have to do that...
DONNA
I ain't bovvered. No, seriously.
MARTHA
Ginger.
DONNA
So? I'm proud of my hair! Unlike your... poxy pineapple parp!
ROSE
She spent ages on that!
DONNA
Shut it, Call Girl!
ROSE
How did you know?
MARTHA
You'd be surprised... she reads Nuts!
DONNA
You want a SLAP?!
MARTHA
With what? You gonna man-handle me?!
ROSE
Lulz, Martha, I didn't know you had it in you!
MARTHA
I know! I must've developed it when I was stranded on Earth for a whole year...
ROSE
Must've been hard!
MARTHA
You kidding? Stupid pervy Doctor.
DONNA
I heard he became, like, 900 years old.
ROSE
I bet he looked older than Sarah Mary Lulu!
MARTHA
Isn't it Sarah Jane?
SARAH JANE
Yes, thank you Martha!
MARTHA
Shut up OAP-gal, I ain't talking to you after those people wrote that Martha/SJ femslash fic!
SARAH JANE
Oooh....
ALL
Ewwwwww!
ROSE
Anyway, who made the Doctor all... wrinkly?
MASTER
That was me! *randomness*
DONNA
Nice hair!
MASTER
Who wants to have a girls night out!!!!
DONNA/MARTHA/ROSE
I do!!!
[Just Dance plays in the background]
MASTER
Should...we...dance?
SARAH JANE
Can I join in?
MARTHA
You still here?!!!
SARAH JANE
I lost my zimmer frame!
ROSE
Aww... you can borrow Donna's mum's.
DONNA
Eeek! You meanie! Unlike your mom, 'cause she's had her tenth child, innit?
MARTHA
Really? That is sooo rank!
ROSE
And what about your mom and her toaster?! Hmmm?!! Femslash!
DONNA
More like... eleccyfrannyslash!
ROSE
Ha ha LOL!
MARTHA
And we all know that Donna would just LOVE that...
DONNA
Oi! Not that again!
ROSE
Martha you mean gal!
SARAH JANE
Does anyone have any-
ROSE
Shut it! OAP!
DONNA
Yeah, get your kiddies to help ya!
MARTHA
Oooh! Latex!
THE END.
THE DOCTOR
Hi guys! I've regenerated! I now have an 11-inch!
ROSE
Yeah?
*snogs*
MARTHA
Hey! Me first! That's so not fair!
DONNA
Whaddya mean?
MARTHA
She had 9 and 10 and then she came back for 10!
DONNA
Came?
ROSE
Only you would do that...
MARTHA
That's a lezzie thing to say.
ROSE
And only you would say that!
DONNA
Shut up, Call Girl!
ROSE
OMG you pervy cow! Have you been looking me up?!
MARTHA
Yeah, did you come to her house? Hahahahahah!
ROSE & DONNA
Ew, Marthz. That is soo rank lulz dudie.
MARTHA
Oh
ROSE
C'mon Don-Donz let's ditch Marfa.
DONNA
Yeah! See ya Marfy! Have fun with the OAP!
SARAH JANE grabs broken zimmer frame and whacks it on DONNA's head.
MARTHA
You go... girl! Lady! Woman! Erm... Madam!
SARAH JANE gives her evils.
ROSE
Oi! OAP! Whaddya do thar for?
SARAH JANE whacks the zimmer frame on ROSE's head.
MARTHA
Woah...
SARAH JANE
Just you and me now!
No, no, Rose, Just stay calm.
ROSE
Sorry Doctor. You were never good enough in bed.
(Shoots the Doctor)
The Doctor falls onto the ground in pain.
DONNA
You go girlfriend!
MARTHA
Erm, Donna babs, that's sooo lez!
DONNA
Ew! How dare you! Callin' me a lez? Did you see your jacket in Series Three?
ROSE
Don't diss the jacks! I have a purple one and you got that tan one.
MARTHA
Yeah, Donna, don't diss the jacks!
THE DOCTOR groans
ROSE
Shut up, Time Lard!
MARTHA
Yeah! He deserved that for the whole bastardo way he treated me in Series Three.
DONNA
I know! And he is so uber alien martian pervy the way he made me half of him! Why would I want some messed up Gallibrainian body part?
ROSE
Oh, I've seen them and they are sooo not 10 inch.
MARTHA
Well, I'm happy to know that I failed in doing so.
DONNA
Oh come on! You didn't really want to!
MARTHA
The Shakespeare Code - after I blew out the candle?
ROSE
I cry for your gain.
MARTHA
You mean loss.
ROSE
No, seriously, there was nothing there.
DONNA
Ew! And that Sarah Bane Jane was with him when he was younger, right?
MARTHA & ROSE
Perv!
ROSE
Lulz, GMTA, dudie!
DONNA
And he was such a perv, like, she touched this hand...
ALL
Ewwwww!
MARTHA
And didn't he have a ... male companion?
ROSE
Yeah! Like three times!
ALL
Ewwwwww!
DONNA
What a total perv!
ROSE
Sarah Brain is an OAP anywayz lulz.
SARAH JANE
Oi! I'll have you know I'm not that old-
MARTHA
40 is like OAP, darling!
DONNA
Yeah, and I heard you do it with kids!
ALL
Ewwwwww!
ROSE
Yeah, it seems like the perviness spreads to the companions!
ALL pause for a moment.
ALL
Ewwwwwwww!
MARTHA
Donna did see him... neked
ROSE
And you were chasing around balls in that year!!
MARTHA
Racist!
DONNA
Leave her outta this, yeah? It's not her fault she only gets half the action! *chuckle*
ROSE
Do you know how annoying it is? He's like... half of everything! And he's always moaning about how he feels so bad about Martha and Donna waa waa waa
MARTHA
Seriously? When I was with him, he was all Rose Rose Rose Sob Sob Hi Martha Sob Sob Rose...
ROSE
Stupid stalking perv.
DONNA
He followed me when I went to Adipose Industries!
MARTHA
Perv!
DONNA
I know! And I was like, I am so not trying to find you! And then he-
ROSE
But... you were trying to find him!
DONNA
Oi! Don't go there!
SARAH JANE
Actually-
ROSE
Are you still here?
MARTHA
Yeah, go back to your stupid gringy attic!
DONNA
And your kids! Who are they anyway? Did you adopt them?
SARAH JANE
Actually-
DONNA
Did you find them on the street? Did you pick them up in your car?
MARTHA
Ewwwwwww!
ROSE
That's rank, man.
DONNA
Hey! I'm no man!
ROSE and MARTHA exchange glances.
DONNA
Oi! Don't do that!
ROSE
We never said anything...
MARTHA
And you are half-Doctor....
ROSE
Oh you had to say that, didn't you? Stupid Toclafane girl.
MARTHA
Shut up! Parallax Biatch!
DONNA
I am so enjoying this, where's the popcorn?
ROSE
Under your BOXERS!
DONNA
Oi!
MARTHA
Or your-
DONNA
Shut up Martha! You... you... voodoo... thing!
MARTHA
Brings back memories...
ROSE
Of what? You and the Doctor trying it on?
DONNA
Or just you trying it on?
MARTHA
Or was it you going to the GENTS' LOOS?!
ROSE
Woah, dudie, you didn't have to do that...
DONNA
I ain't bovvered. No, seriously.
MARTHA
Ginger.
DONNA
So? I'm proud of my hair! Unlike your... poxy pineapple parp!
ROSE
She spent ages on that!
DONNA
Shut it, Call Girl!
ROSE
How did you know?
MARTHA
You'd be surprised... she reads Nuts!
DONNA
You want a SLAP?!
MARTHA
With what? You gonna man-handle me?!
ROSE
Lulz, Martha, I didn't know you had it in you!
MARTHA
I know! I must've developed it when I was stranded on Earth for a whole year...
ROSE
Must've been hard!
MARTHA
You kidding? Stupid pervy Doctor.
DONNA
I heard he became, like, 900 years old.
ROSE
I bet he looked older than Sarah Mary Lulu!
MARTHA
Isn't it Sarah Jane?
SARAH JANE
Yes, thank you Martha!
MARTHA
Shut up OAP-gal, I ain't talking to you after those people wrote that Martha/SJ femslash fic!
SARAH JANE
Oooh....
ALL
Ewwwwww!
ROSE
Anyway, who made the Doctor all... wrinkly?
MASTER
That was me! *randomness*
DONNA
Nice hair!
MASTER
Who wants to have a girls night out!!!!
DONNA/MARTHA/ROSE
I do!!!
[Just Dance plays in the background]
MASTER
Should...we...dance?
SARAH JANE
Can I join in?
MARTHA
You still here?!!!
SARAH JANE
I lost my zimmer frame!
ROSE
Aww... you can borrow Donna's mum's.
DONNA
Eeek! You meanie! Unlike your mom, 'cause she's had her tenth child, innit?
MARTHA
Really? That is sooo rank!
ROSE
And what about your mom and her toaster?! Hmmm?!! Femslash!
DONNA
More like... eleccyfrannyslash!
ROSE
Ha ha LOL!
MARTHA
And we all know that Donna would just LOVE that...
DONNA
Oi! Not that again!
ROSE
Martha you mean gal!
SARAH JANE
Does anyone have any-
ROSE
Shut it! OAP!
DONNA
Yeah, get your kiddies to help ya!
MARTHA
Oooh! Latex!
THE END.
THE DOCTOR
Hi guys! I've regenerated! I now have an 11-inch!
ROSE
Yeah?
*snogs*
MARTHA
Hey! Me first! That's so not fair!
DONNA
Whaddya mean?
MARTHA
She had 9 and 10 and then she came back for 10!
DONNA
Came?
ROSE
Only you would do that...
MARTHA
That's a lezzie thing to say.
ROSE
And only you would say that!
DONNA
Shut up, Call Girl!
ROSE
OMG you pervy cow! Have you been looking me up?!
MARTHA
Yeah, did you come to her house? Hahahahahah!
ROSE & DONNA
Ew, Marthz. That is soo rank lulz dudie.
MARTHA
Oh
ROSE
C'mon Don-Donz let's ditch Marfa.
DONNA
Yeah! See ya Marfy! Have fun with the OAP!
SARAH JANE grabs broken zimmer frame and whacks it on DONNA's head.
MARTHA
You go... girl! Lady! Woman! Erm... Madam!
SARAH JANE gives her evils.
ROSE
Oi! OAP! Whaddya do thar for?
SARAH JANE whacks the zimmer frame on ROSE's head.
MARTHA
Woah...
SARAH JANE
Just you and me now!