Rani licked Clyde's lollipop.
"Yum! Chocolate flavour!" Rani grinned, taking another lick.
"Yeah it's great, isn't it?" Sarah Jane had a taste.
"Mum, I want a go!" Luke squealed, sounding a lot like Maria.
Sarah Jane was turned on by this.
"I want some more!" Rani was hungry for more. Then she took a nice big bite out of it.
"There's a nice, creamy centre inside." Clyde told him, offering them some more.
The creamy centre exploded all over Rani's face.
"That's not fair." Luke moaned.
"Don't worry Luke, I have lots, especially for you." Sarah Jane said, offering her package.
The End.
Whatever Happened to Clarah Jane?
INT. SARAH JANE'S HOUSE
SARAH JANE
Omg Clyde that was amazing!
CLYDE
I know right.
SARAH JANE
No I mean seriously! Where did you learn all that?!
FLASHBACK: CLYDE and MARIA are at a desk.
MARIA
So this is Number 7.
CLYDE
7?!
MARIA
Yeah.
CLYDE
7?!?!?!
MARIA
I thought it was obvious.
CLYDE
Oh, I'm looking at it upside down.
MARIA
No, you're not.
CLYDE
Ew, who's is that big?!
MARIA
Hey!
CLYDE
Excuse me, while I puke.
MARIA
Twat.
CLYDE
Wideset.
END OF FLASHBACK.
SARAH JANE
Quick, let's clean up before Luke gets back.
CLYDE
Boy, we're gonna need a huge mop for that!
SARAH JANE
Oh come on, I can make more than that.
CLYDE and SARAH JANE look at one white droplet on the floor.
The door opens. LUKE enters.
LUKE
What the hell?! (shielding eyes)
SARAH JANE and CLYDE desperately try to put their clothes back on.
CLYDE
Hey hey! Luke ma man! We were just er..
SARAH JANE
Sorry Luke. We were making love.
LUKE
EW! I thought you were teaching him about sexual education, like you did to me.
SARAH JANE
That would have been a better explanation...
CLYDE
Er what?
LUKE
What?
SARAH JANE
What??
CLYDE
You teach him Sex Ed?
SARAH JANE
Yeah...
CLYDE
You said I was the only man for you!
LUKE
That's a lie! Mum said I was the only man for her!
CLYDE
Ha ha ha.
LUKE
What? Can't take it that I have perfect genitalia?
CLYDE
Maria has bigger genitalia than you.
MARIA (background)
I heard that!!
CLYDE
What the hell are you doing Maria?
MARIA comes out behind the sofa with a stick.
MARIA
Sorry, Sarah Jane.
SARAH JANE
I am fed up with you!
MARIA
Me?
SARAH JANE
Yes you! Everywhere I go, you are ALWAYS there, either with your stick or your dad. You are SO annoying!
MARIA
(crying)
Waaa! I'm so sorry Sarah Jane I promise I love you I'm so sorry don't let me go I love you no please Sarah Jane let's go and do it again, please!
CLYDE
What?!
SARAH JANE
Er...
CLYDE
You've been three-timing me?
SARAH JANE
I can explain!
CLYDE
I don't wanna hear it. (Leaves.)
(beat)
LUKE
Mum, I'm hungry.
SARAH JANE
(unbuttoning shirt)
Ugh, fine. But quickly though, Maria wants a go too.
MARIA
Yay! (licks lips)
THE END.
Mushy Mash Mosh: Maria/Luke
"Oh Luke, I've spilt mushy peas all over myself." Maria gasped, seductively, vogue-ing her bosoms to identify the problem.
"Er..." Luke was unsure of what to do! Clyde had told him to touch them, but Sarah Jane always told him to respect a woman's Ferrero Rochers. Instead, he trusted his natural, Bane, instincts and leapt forward - tongue out.
"Luke, what the hell?!" Maria stepped back in shock, "What is wrong with you?!"
"I wasn't sure on what to do." Luke looked upset. Maria liked it when Luke was upset.
"Oh, I'm sorry Luke..." Maria put her arm around his head and brought it closer to her voluptuous chest. "There, there..." She patted him on the head, waiting patiently for him to make the next move.
Luke did nothing.
"Oh for heaven's sake, Luke!" Maria moaned, and ripped off her top. "Happy?!"
"Wow." Luke turned his head sideways and watched inquisitively. He reached out to touch the left one to see what it felt like.
"Have you never seen a pair before?!" Maria whined, huffing impatiently.
"No... well I've only ever seen Sarah Jane's. But they're are different. Hers are like teabags. Yours are like... watermelons..." Luke smiled.
Maria was getting so excited!
From the distance, Sarah Jane watched in horror and scowled.
"Bitch."
She ran to Mr Smith, and putting back on her knickers, asked him to do something.
"I need you to fake a letter. Address it to Alan Jackson across the road... from America."
Sarah Jane cackled loudly and rubbed her tummy. She was getting Luke back...
"Er..." Luke was unsure of what to do! Clyde had told him to touch them, but Sarah Jane always told him to respect a woman's Ferrero Rochers. Instead, he trusted his natural, Bane, instincts and leapt forward - tongue out.
"Luke, what the hell?!" Maria stepped back in shock, "What is wrong with you?!"
"I wasn't sure on what to do." Luke looked upset. Maria liked it when Luke was upset.
"Oh, I'm sorry Luke..." Maria put her arm around his head and brought it closer to her voluptuous chest. "There, there..." She patted him on the head, waiting patiently for him to make the next move.
Luke did nothing.
"Oh for heaven's sake, Luke!" Maria moaned, and ripped off her top. "Happy?!"
"Wow." Luke turned his head sideways and watched inquisitively. He reached out to touch the left one to see what it felt like.
"Have you never seen a pair before?!" Maria whined, huffing impatiently.
"No... well I've only ever seen Sarah Jane's. But they're are different. Hers are like teabags. Yours are like... watermelons..." Luke smiled.
Maria was getting so excited!
From the distance, Sarah Jane watched in horror and scowled.
"Bitch."
She ran to Mr Smith, and putting back on her knickers, asked him to do something.
"I need you to fake a letter. Address it to Alan Jackson across the road... from America."
Sarah Jane cackled loudly and rubbed her tummy. She was getting Luke back...
Sarah Jane Incestigates
"HARDER! LUKE! HARDER!!!"
Sarah Jane moaned for Luke to do her harder. "Here, Luke. In this bit!"
Luke look at her body. She was pointing to a line but... argh! There were too many lines! "Which wrinkle?" He cried helpessly, nearly bursting into tears.
Sarah Jane grabbed his firecracker and slammed it in her mousetrap. Luke moaned... "Yes! YES! YESSS!"
Luke awoke with a start. He was sweating buckets. "Phew, it was only a dream," he reassured himself, before snuggling up to his mother who was in his bed. Naked.
Sarah Jane moaned for Luke to do her harder. "Here, Luke. In this bit!"
Luke look at her body. She was pointing to a line but... argh! There were too many lines! "Which wrinkle?" He cried helpessly, nearly bursting into tears.
Sarah Jane grabbed his firecracker and slammed it in her mousetrap. Luke moaned... "Yes! YES! YESSS!"
Luke awoke with a start. He was sweating buckets. "Phew, it was only a dream," he reassured himself, before snuggling up to his mother who was in his bed. Naked.
The Beginning of Ruke?!!
Rani: So... Luke... Lukety Luke... Lukey Boy...
Luke: Yes?
Rani: The door's closed....
Luke: Yes?
Rani: And there's nobody else here....
Luke: Yes?
Rani: And it's just you and me....
Luke: Incorrect. Mr Smith is here too.
Rani: *removing top* I don't give a damn about Mr Smith. All I want for Christmas *she drags her finger across Luke's face* is *touches his nose* you.
Luke: Is that possible?
Rani: *frustrated* What the hell Luke?!
Luke: Hell is traditionally believed to be the place of suffering and punishment in the afterlife, often in the underworld. Religions with a linear divine history often depict Hell as endless. Religions with a cyclic history often depict Hell as an intermediary period between incarnations-
Rani: Oh yeah! I like it like that! Do it like that!
Luke: *smiling* In Christianity and Islam, Hell is traditionally depicted as fiery and painful, inflicting guilt and suffering. Some other traditions, however, portray Hell as cold and gloomy. Despite the common depictions of Hell as a fire, Dante's Inferno portrays the innermost (9th) circle of Hell as a frozen lake of blood and guilt. Hell is often portrayed as populated with demons, who torment the damned. Many are ruled by a death god, such as Nergal or the Christian Satan.
Rani: Oh yes, Luke, OH YES! Do it more! More!
*Three hours later....*
Luke: Piers Anthony in his series Incarnations of Immortality portrays examples of Heaven and Hell via -
Rani: I think I've menopaused.
Luke: Menopausing is the period-
Rani: ARGHHH!!!!!! *runs out room*
Mr Smith: Luke. Please continue. Oh yes. Luke. Please continue. Please continue. Please enter your USB stick into my socket.
Luke: =O