THE DOCTOR
No, no, Rose, Just stay calm.
ROSE
Sorry Doctor. You were never good enough in bed.
(Shoots the Doctor)
The Doctor falls onto the ground in pain.
DONNA
You go girlfriend!
MARTHA
Erm, Donna babs, that's sooo lez!
DONNA
Ew! How dare you! Callin' me a lez? Did you see your jacket in Series Three?
ROSE
Don't diss the jacks! I have a purple one and you got that tan one.
MARTHA
Yeah, Donna, don't diss the jacks!
THE DOCTOR groans
ROSE
Shut up, Time Lard!
MARTHA
Yeah! He deserved that for the whole bastardo way he treated me in Series Three.
DONNA
I know! And he is so uber alien martian pervy the way he made me half of him! Why would I want some messed up Gallibrainian body part?
ROSE
Oh, I've seen them and they are sooo not 10 inch.
MARTHA
Well, I'm happy to know that I failed in doing so.
DONNA
Oh come on! You didn't really want to!
MARTHA
The Shakespeare Code - after I blew out the candle?
ROSE
I cry for your gain.
MARTHA
You mean loss.
ROSE
No, seriously, there was nothing there.
DONNA
Ew! And that Sarah Bane Jane was with him when he was younger, right?
MARTHA & ROSE
Perv!
ROSE
Lulz, GMTA, dudie!
DONNA
And he was such a perv, like, she touched this hand...
ALL
Ewwwww!
MARTHA
And didn't he have a ... male companion?
ROSE
Yeah! Like three times!
ALL
Ewwwwww!
DONNA
What a total perv!
ROSE
Sarah Brain is an OAP anywayz lulz.
SARAH JANE
Oi! I'll have you know I'm not that old-
MARTHA
40 is like OAP, darling!
DONNA
Yeah, and I heard you do it with kids!
ALL
Ewwwwww!
ROSE
Yeah, it seems like the perviness spreads to the companions!
ALL pause for a moment.
ALL
Ewwwwwwww!
MARTHA
Donna did see him... neked
ROSE
And you were chasing around balls in that year!!
MARTHA
Racist!
DONNA
Leave her outta this, yeah? It's not her fault she only gets half the action! *chuckle*
ROSE
Do you know how annoying it is? He's like... half of everything! And he's always moaning about how he feels so bad about Martha and Donna waa waa waa
MARTHA
Seriously? When I was with him, he was all Rose Rose Rose Sob Sob Hi Martha Sob Sob Rose...
ROSE
Stupid stalking perv.
DONNA
He followed me when I went to Adipose Industries!
MARTHA
Perv!
DONNA
I know! And I was like, I am so not trying to find you! And then he-
ROSE
But... you were trying to find him!
DONNA
Oi! Don't go there!
SARAH JANE
Actually-
ROSE
Are you still here?
MARTHA
Yeah, go back to your stupid gringy attic!
DONNA
And your kids! Who are they anyway? Did you adopt them?
SARAH JANE
Actually-
DONNA
Did you find them on the street? Did you pick them up in your car?
MARTHA
Ewwwwwww!
ROSE
That's rank, man.
DONNA
Hey! I'm no man!
ROSE and MARTHA exchange glances.
DONNA
Oi! Don't do that!
ROSE
We never said anything...
MARTHA
And you are half-Doctor....
ROSE
Oh you had to say that, didn't you? Stupid Toclafane girl.
MARTHA
Shut up! Parallax Biatch!
DONNA
I am so enjoying this, where's the popcorn?
ROSE
Under your BOXERS!
DONNA
Oi!
MARTHA
Or your-
DONNA
Shut up Martha! You... you... voodoo... thing!
MARTHA
Brings back memories...
ROSE
Of what? You and the Doctor trying it on?
DONNA
Or just you trying it on?
MARTHA
Or was it you going to the GENTS' LOOS?!
ROSE
Woah, dudie, you didn't have to do that...
DONNA
I ain't bovvered. No, seriously.
MARTHA
Ginger.
DONNA
So? I'm proud of my hair! Unlike your... poxy pineapple parp!
ROSE
She spent ages on that!
DONNA
Shut it, Call Girl!
ROSE
How did you know?
MARTHA
You'd be surprised... she reads Nuts!
DONNA
You want a SLAP?!
MARTHA
With what? You gonna man-handle me?!
ROSE
Lulz, Martha, I didn't know you had it in you!
MARTHA
I know! I must've developed it when I was stranded on Earth for a whole year...
ROSE
Must've been hard!
MARTHA
You kidding? Stupid pervy Doctor.
DONNA
I heard he became, like, 900 years old.
ROSE
I bet he looked older than Sarah Mary Lulu!
MARTHA
Isn't it Sarah Jane?
SARAH JANE
Yes, thank you Martha!
MARTHA
Shut up OAP-gal, I ain't talking to you after those people wrote that Martha/SJ femslash fic!
SARAH JANE
Oooh....
ALL
Ewwwwww!
ROSE
Anyway, who made the Doctor all... wrinkly?
MASTER
That was me! *randomness*
DONNA
Nice hair!
MASTER
Who wants to have a girls night out!!!!
DONNA/MARTHA/ROSE
I do!!!
[Just Dance plays in the background]
MASTER
Should...we...dance?
SARAH JANE
Can I join in?
MARTHA
You still here?!!!
SARAH JANE
I lost my zimmer frame!
ROSE
Aww... you can borrow Donna's mum's.
DONNA
Eeek! You meanie! Unlike your mom, 'cause she's had her tenth child, innit?
MARTHA
Really? That is sooo rank!
ROSE
And what about your mom and her toaster?! Hmmm?!! Femslash!
DONNA
More like... eleccyfrannyslash!
ROSE
Ha ha LOL!
MARTHA
And we all know that Donna would just LOVE that...
DONNA
Oi! Not that again!
ROSE
Martha you mean gal!
SARAH JANE
Does anyone have any-
ROSE
Shut it! OAP!
DONNA
Yeah, get your kiddies to help ya!
MARTHA
Oooh! Latex!
THE END.
THE DOCTOR
Hi guys! I've regenerated! I now have an 11-inch!
ROSE
Yeah?
*snogs*
MARTHA
Hey! Me first! That's so not fair!
DONNA
Whaddya mean?
MARTHA
She had 9 and 10 and then she came back for 10!
DONNA
Came?
ROSE
Only you would do that...
MARTHA
That's a lezzie thing to say.
ROSE
And only you would say that!
DONNA
Shut up, Call Girl!
ROSE
OMG you pervy cow! Have you been looking me up?!
MARTHA
Yeah, did you come to her house? Hahahahahah!
ROSE & DONNA
Ew, Marthz. That is soo rank lulz dudie.
MARTHA
Oh
ROSE
C'mon Don-Donz let's ditch Marfa.
DONNA
Yeah! See ya Marfy! Have fun with the OAP!
SARAH JANE grabs broken zimmer frame and whacks it on DONNA's head.
MARTHA
You go... girl! Lady! Woman! Erm... Madam!
SARAH JANE gives her evils.
ROSE
Oi! OAP! Whaddya do thar for?
SARAH JANE whacks the zimmer frame on ROSE's head.
MARTHA
Woah...
SARAH JANE
Just you and me now!
No, no, Rose, Just stay calm.
ROSE
Sorry Doctor. You were never good enough in bed.
(Shoots the Doctor)
The Doctor falls onto the ground in pain.
DONNA
You go girlfriend!
MARTHA
Erm, Donna babs, that's sooo lez!
DONNA
Ew! How dare you! Callin' me a lez? Did you see your jacket in Series Three?
ROSE
Don't diss the jacks! I have a purple one and you got that tan one.
MARTHA
Yeah, Donna, don't diss the jacks!
THE DOCTOR groans
ROSE
Shut up, Time Lard!
MARTHA
Yeah! He deserved that for the whole bastardo way he treated me in Series Three.
DONNA
I know! And he is so uber alien martian pervy the way he made me half of him! Why would I want some messed up Gallibrainian body part?
ROSE
Oh, I've seen them and they are sooo not 10 inch.
MARTHA
Well, I'm happy to know that I failed in doing so.
DONNA
Oh come on! You didn't really want to!
MARTHA
The Shakespeare Code - after I blew out the candle?
ROSE
I cry for your gain.
MARTHA
You mean loss.
ROSE
No, seriously, there was nothing there.
DONNA
Ew! And that Sarah Bane Jane was with him when he was younger, right?
MARTHA & ROSE
Perv!
ROSE
Lulz, GMTA, dudie!
DONNA
And he was such a perv, like, she touched this hand...
ALL
Ewwwww!
MARTHA
And didn't he have a ... male companion?
ROSE
Yeah! Like three times!
ALL
Ewwwwww!
DONNA
What a total perv!
ROSE
Sarah Brain is an OAP anywayz lulz.
SARAH JANE
Oi! I'll have you know I'm not that old-
MARTHA
40 is like OAP, darling!
DONNA
Yeah, and I heard you do it with kids!
ALL
Ewwwwww!
ROSE
Yeah, it seems like the perviness spreads to the companions!
ALL pause for a moment.
ALL
Ewwwwwwww!
MARTHA
Donna did see him... neked
ROSE
And you were chasing around balls in that year!!
MARTHA
Racist!
DONNA
Leave her outta this, yeah? It's not her fault she only gets half the action! *chuckle*
ROSE
Do you know how annoying it is? He's like... half of everything! And he's always moaning about how he feels so bad about Martha and Donna waa waa waa
MARTHA
Seriously? When I was with him, he was all Rose Rose Rose Sob Sob Hi Martha Sob Sob Rose...
ROSE
Stupid stalking perv.
DONNA
He followed me when I went to Adipose Industries!
MARTHA
Perv!
DONNA
I know! And I was like, I am so not trying to find you! And then he-
ROSE
But... you were trying to find him!
DONNA
Oi! Don't go there!
SARAH JANE
Actually-
ROSE
Are you still here?
MARTHA
Yeah, go back to your stupid gringy attic!
DONNA
And your kids! Who are they anyway? Did you adopt them?
SARAH JANE
Actually-
DONNA
Did you find them on the street? Did you pick them up in your car?
MARTHA
Ewwwwwww!
ROSE
That's rank, man.
DONNA
Hey! I'm no man!
ROSE and MARTHA exchange glances.
DONNA
Oi! Don't do that!
ROSE
We never said anything...
MARTHA
And you are half-Doctor....
ROSE
Oh you had to say that, didn't you? Stupid Toclafane girl.
MARTHA
Shut up! Parallax Biatch!
DONNA
I am so enjoying this, where's the popcorn?
ROSE
Under your BOXERS!
DONNA
Oi!
MARTHA
Or your-
DONNA
Shut up Martha! You... you... voodoo... thing!
MARTHA
Brings back memories...
ROSE
Of what? You and the Doctor trying it on?
DONNA
Or just you trying it on?
MARTHA
Or was it you going to the GENTS' LOOS?!
ROSE
Woah, dudie, you didn't have to do that...
DONNA
I ain't bovvered. No, seriously.
MARTHA
Ginger.
DONNA
So? I'm proud of my hair! Unlike your... poxy pineapple parp!
ROSE
She spent ages on that!
DONNA
Shut it, Call Girl!
ROSE
How did you know?
MARTHA
You'd be surprised... she reads Nuts!
DONNA
You want a SLAP?!
MARTHA
With what? You gonna man-handle me?!
ROSE
Lulz, Martha, I didn't know you had it in you!
MARTHA
I know! I must've developed it when I was stranded on Earth for a whole year...
ROSE
Must've been hard!
MARTHA
You kidding? Stupid pervy Doctor.
DONNA
I heard he became, like, 900 years old.
ROSE
I bet he looked older than Sarah Mary Lulu!
MARTHA
Isn't it Sarah Jane?
SARAH JANE
Yes, thank you Martha!
MARTHA
Shut up OAP-gal, I ain't talking to you after those people wrote that Martha/SJ femslash fic!
SARAH JANE
Oooh....
ALL
Ewwwwww!
ROSE
Anyway, who made the Doctor all... wrinkly?
MASTER
That was me! *randomness*
DONNA
Nice hair!
MASTER
Who wants to have a girls night out!!!!
DONNA/MARTHA/ROSE
I do!!!
[Just Dance plays in the background]
MASTER
Should...we...dance?
SARAH JANE
Can I join in?
MARTHA
You still here?!!!
SARAH JANE
I lost my zimmer frame!
ROSE
Aww... you can borrow Donna's mum's.
DONNA
Eeek! You meanie! Unlike your mom, 'cause she's had her tenth child, innit?
MARTHA
Really? That is sooo rank!
ROSE
And what about your mom and her toaster?! Hmmm?!! Femslash!
DONNA
More like... eleccyfrannyslash!
ROSE
Ha ha LOL!
MARTHA
And we all know that Donna would just LOVE that...
DONNA
Oi! Not that again!
ROSE
Martha you mean gal!
SARAH JANE
Does anyone have any-
ROSE
Shut it! OAP!
DONNA
Yeah, get your kiddies to help ya!
MARTHA
Oooh! Latex!
THE END.
THE DOCTOR
Hi guys! I've regenerated! I now have an 11-inch!
ROSE
Yeah?
*snogs*
MARTHA
Hey! Me first! That's so not fair!
DONNA
Whaddya mean?
MARTHA
She had 9 and 10 and then she came back for 10!
DONNA
Came?
ROSE
Only you would do that...
MARTHA
That's a lezzie thing to say.
ROSE
And only you would say that!
DONNA
Shut up, Call Girl!
ROSE
OMG you pervy cow! Have you been looking me up?!
MARTHA
Yeah, did you come to her house? Hahahahahah!
ROSE & DONNA
Ew, Marthz. That is soo rank lulz dudie.
MARTHA
Oh
ROSE
C'mon Don-Donz let's ditch Marfa.
DONNA
Yeah! See ya Marfy! Have fun with the OAP!
SARAH JANE grabs broken zimmer frame and whacks it on DONNA's head.
MARTHA
You go... girl! Lady! Woman! Erm... Madam!
SARAH JANE gives her evils.
ROSE
Oi! OAP! Whaddya do thar for?
SARAH JANE whacks the zimmer frame on ROSE's head.
MARTHA
Woah...
SARAH JANE
Just you and me now!
