Martha meets River Song

MARTHA
You mean, you and the Doctor? In the future?

RIVER
Yeah! It is... well, will be, tres cool, like.

MARTHA
Okay! Don't talk to me like I'm a teenager!

RIVER
How old are you again?

MARTHA
Erm... well... Russell hasn't exactly said...

RIVER
Shush! You are not allowed to speak the name of the God here!

MARTHA
Who? Russell? What are you on about?

RIVER
Don't they teach RE in nursery these days?

MARTHA
Oh, shut it, freak!

*punches River*

THE DOCTOR
Martha! What the hell are you doing?

MARTHA
She started it!

THE DOCTOR
I'm sorry, who are you again?

MARTHA
Look at my name ^^ Martha!

THE DOCTOR
Oh right... the one who replaces Rose, even though I don't really like you/like you and then you end up leaving because Vicki says so?

MARTHA
I'm shocked.

RIVER groans.
RIVER dies. MARTHA smiles.

THE DOCTOR
Now look what you did, you silly person! What was your name again?

MARTHA
MARTHA!

THE DOCTOR
Oh! The supertemp from Chiswick? Oh no, not yet... erm... the shop assistant from Henrik's? No, not blonde enough...

MARTHA
I'm Martha Jones, the trainee Doctor from Royal Hope Hospital!!!! Get that into your Time Lord puny brain!

THE DOCTOR
Who are you again?

MARTHA
Argh! Woah...

FX: Time changes, blah blah blah, lots of fireworks, flashbacks, zoomy stuff, cheapo 70s effects...

THE DOCTOR appears with JENNY at his side.

THE DOCTOR
We're dating!

MARTHA
Yuck.

THE DOCTOR
Hey! That's no way to treat her! Is it Jenny Wenny Hunny Bunny?

JENNY
No, Daddy Waddy Doccy Woccy!

MARTHA
Yuck.

JENNY
You're just jealous!

MARTHA
Of what? The fact that they made incest legal?

THE DOCTOR
=O

Ugh Pairings: Martha and River Song

"So... you're Martha?" River Song asked, walking towards her, taking off her helmet.
"Yeah... you are?" Martha was puzzled by this handsome woman who seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
"River, River Song. I'm the Doctor's wife!"
"Great," Martha forced a smile, rolling her eyes in her mind. Great! Another one to join the Doctor's harem - who next?!
River Song pushed Martha really hard. "Oi! What the hell was that for?"
"I could ask you the same!" Martha rubbed her chest where River had punched her. Suddenly, a blue light of love brought them together...

... Martha awoke to face a white light. She was lying in a bed, next to River Song. River looked at her proudly. "Well done," she smiled, "You have joined the club."

The Doctor pops his head out of the duvet and smiles. "Welcome to my harem!"

Oh no...