Rani licked Clyde's lollipop.
"Yum! Chocolate flavour!" Rani grinned, taking another lick.
"Yeah it's great, isn't it?" Sarah Jane had a taste.
"Mum, I want a go!" Luke squealed, sounding a lot like Maria.
Sarah Jane was turned on by this.
"I want some more!" Rani was hungry for more. Then she took a nice big bite out of it.
"There's a nice, creamy centre inside." Clyde told him, offering them some more.
The creamy centre exploded all over Rani's face.
"That's not fair." Luke moaned.
"Don't worry Luke, I have lots, especially for you." Sarah Jane said, offering her package.
The End.
Has-Been Girls
Sarah Jane: She's so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Maria Jackson. We were best friends in a year ago. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then after the whole Sontaran incident, I got closer to Clyde who was totally gorgeous, and Maria was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Clyde, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all OAP girls pool party, I was like, "Maria, I can't invite you, because I think you're lesbian." I mean I couldn't have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be old women there in their bathing suits. I mean, right? She was a lesbian. So then her dad called me and started yelling at me, it was so retarded. And then she left and went to America because no one would talk to her, and she came back over for her mum's wedding, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's on Rakweed.
Desperately Seeking Bea Nelson-Stanley - Part One
It was quite hot and Sarah Jane was all alone with Bea. She saw Bea's old, white hair and longed to run her hands through it. Then she blushed as she stared at Bea's skin. Oh it was so wrinkly and bumpy, full of liver spots and random bits of fluff.
Sarah Jane licked her lips at the thought.
Bea croaked and looked back at Sarah Jane, smiling. "I know what you are thinking." She murmured, "Those pesky potato-headed Sontarans wanted some of this too." She undid her Marks & Spencers' cardigan to show Sarah Jane what she was talking about. Sarah Jane's eyes widened at the sight before her.
Sarah Jane made the first move. Her hands brushed across Bea's dentures. A sizzling thrill raced down Sarah Jane's body and ended at her hips. Bea returned the favour by licking Sarah Jane's left earlobe. Sarah Jane went in full force and shoved her hungry face in between Bea's doilies.
Suddenly, the door crashed open and a police officer stood there, amazed. "What the hell is this?!" He squealed. trying to pretend he wasn't turned on by it.
Bea stood back and muttered, "I don't know."
And as Sarah Jane wiped the cobwebs away from her mouth, the policeman arrested her... and through the window, Maria Jackson chuckled...
TO BE CONTINUED!!
Sarah Jane licked her lips at the thought.
Bea croaked and looked back at Sarah Jane, smiling. "I know what you are thinking." She murmured, "Those pesky potato-headed Sontarans wanted some of this too." She undid her Marks & Spencers' cardigan to show Sarah Jane what she was talking about. Sarah Jane's eyes widened at the sight before her.
Sarah Jane made the first move. Her hands brushed across Bea's dentures. A sizzling thrill raced down Sarah Jane's body and ended at her hips. Bea returned the favour by licking Sarah Jane's left earlobe. Sarah Jane went in full force and shoved her hungry face in between Bea's doilies.
Suddenly, the door crashed open and a police officer stood there, amazed. "What the hell is this?!" He squealed. trying to pretend he wasn't turned on by it.
Bea stood back and muttered, "I don't know."
And as Sarah Jane wiped the cobwebs away from her mouth, the policeman arrested her... and through the window, Maria Jackson chuckled...
TO BE CONTINUED!!
Whatever Happened to Clarah Jane?
INT. SARAH JANE'S HOUSE
SARAH JANE
Omg Clyde that was amazing!
CLYDE
I know right.
SARAH JANE
No I mean seriously! Where did you learn all that?!
FLASHBACK: CLYDE and MARIA are at a desk.
MARIA
So this is Number 7.
CLYDE
7?!
MARIA
Yeah.
CLYDE
7?!?!?!
MARIA
I thought it was obvious.
CLYDE
Oh, I'm looking at it upside down.
MARIA
No, you're not.
CLYDE
Ew, who's is that big?!
MARIA
Hey!
CLYDE
Excuse me, while I puke.
MARIA
Twat.
CLYDE
Wideset.
END OF FLASHBACK.
SARAH JANE
Quick, let's clean up before Luke gets back.
CLYDE
Boy, we're gonna need a huge mop for that!
SARAH JANE
Oh come on, I can make more than that.
CLYDE and SARAH JANE look at one white droplet on the floor.
The door opens. LUKE enters.
LUKE
What the hell?! (shielding eyes)
SARAH JANE and CLYDE desperately try to put their clothes back on.
CLYDE
Hey hey! Luke ma man! We were just er..
SARAH JANE
Sorry Luke. We were making love.
LUKE
EW! I thought you were teaching him about sexual education, like you did to me.
SARAH JANE
That would have been a better explanation...
CLYDE
Er what?
LUKE
What?
SARAH JANE
What??
CLYDE
You teach him Sex Ed?
SARAH JANE
Yeah...
CLYDE
You said I was the only man for you!
LUKE
That's a lie! Mum said I was the only man for her!
CLYDE
Ha ha ha.
LUKE
What? Can't take it that I have perfect genitalia?
CLYDE
Maria has bigger genitalia than you.
MARIA (background)
I heard that!!
CLYDE
What the hell are you doing Maria?
MARIA comes out behind the sofa with a stick.
MARIA
Sorry, Sarah Jane.
SARAH JANE
I am fed up with you!
MARIA
Me?
SARAH JANE
Yes you! Everywhere I go, you are ALWAYS there, either with your stick or your dad. You are SO annoying!
MARIA
(crying)
Waaa! I'm so sorry Sarah Jane I promise I love you I'm so sorry don't let me go I love you no please Sarah Jane let's go and do it again, please!
CLYDE
What?!
SARAH JANE
Er...
CLYDE
You've been three-timing me?
SARAH JANE
I can explain!
CLYDE
I don't wanna hear it. (Leaves.)
(beat)
LUKE
Mum, I'm hungry.
SARAH JANE
(unbuttoning shirt)
Ugh, fine. But quickly though, Maria wants a go too.
MARIA
Yay! (licks lips)
THE END.
Slowly Free Me: Mr Smith/Wormwood/Containment Field
Mr Smith did as he was told and put a containment field around Mrs Wormwood. Oh how he liked trapping people and watching them suffer. Back when he was a proper Xylok, he was the pimp master of BDSM. Oh yes, he loved watching Mrs Wormwood try to touch the containment field. He liked her distress.
"Release me!" Mrs Wormwood sang, like a cat being raped by a Dalek.
The containment field orgasmed at the touch of Mrs Wormwood's oily fingertips. Mr Smith liked how the containment field felt.
"This is orgasmically interesting." He commented.
"Oh Mr Smith." Mrs Wormwood began to cry.
La la la.
"Release me!" Mrs Wormwood sang, like a cat being raped by a Dalek.
The containment field orgasmed at the touch of Mrs Wormwood's oily fingertips. Mr Smith liked how the containment field felt.
"This is orgasmically interesting." He commented.
"Oh Mr Smith." Mrs Wormwood began to cry.
La la la.
Mushy Mash Mosh: Maria/Luke
"Oh Luke, I've spilt mushy peas all over myself." Maria gasped, seductively, vogue-ing her bosoms to identify the problem.
"Er..." Luke was unsure of what to do! Clyde had told him to touch them, but Sarah Jane always told him to respect a woman's Ferrero Rochers. Instead, he trusted his natural, Bane, instincts and leapt forward - tongue out.
"Luke, what the hell?!" Maria stepped back in shock, "What is wrong with you?!"
"I wasn't sure on what to do." Luke looked upset. Maria liked it when Luke was upset.
"Oh, I'm sorry Luke..." Maria put her arm around his head and brought it closer to her voluptuous chest. "There, there..." She patted him on the head, waiting patiently for him to make the next move.
Luke did nothing.
"Oh for heaven's sake, Luke!" Maria moaned, and ripped off her top. "Happy?!"
"Wow." Luke turned his head sideways and watched inquisitively. He reached out to touch the left one to see what it felt like.
"Have you never seen a pair before?!" Maria whined, huffing impatiently.
"No... well I've only ever seen Sarah Jane's. But they're are different. Hers are like teabags. Yours are like... watermelons..." Luke smiled.
Maria was getting so excited!
From the distance, Sarah Jane watched in horror and scowled.
"Bitch."
She ran to Mr Smith, and putting back on her knickers, asked him to do something.
"I need you to fake a letter. Address it to Alan Jackson across the road... from America."
Sarah Jane cackled loudly and rubbed her tummy. She was getting Luke back...
"Er..." Luke was unsure of what to do! Clyde had told him to touch them, but Sarah Jane always told him to respect a woman's Ferrero Rochers. Instead, he trusted his natural, Bane, instincts and leapt forward - tongue out.
"Luke, what the hell?!" Maria stepped back in shock, "What is wrong with you?!"
"I wasn't sure on what to do." Luke looked upset. Maria liked it when Luke was upset.
"Oh, I'm sorry Luke..." Maria put her arm around his head and brought it closer to her voluptuous chest. "There, there..." She patted him on the head, waiting patiently for him to make the next move.
Luke did nothing.
"Oh for heaven's sake, Luke!" Maria moaned, and ripped off her top. "Happy?!"
"Wow." Luke turned his head sideways and watched inquisitively. He reached out to touch the left one to see what it felt like.
"Have you never seen a pair before?!" Maria whined, huffing impatiently.
"No... well I've only ever seen Sarah Jane's. But they're are different. Hers are like teabags. Yours are like... watermelons..." Luke smiled.
Maria was getting so excited!
From the distance, Sarah Jane watched in horror and scowled.
"Bitch."
She ran to Mr Smith, and putting back on her knickers, asked him to do something.
"I need you to fake a letter. Address it to Alan Jackson across the road... from America."
Sarah Jane cackled loudly and rubbed her tummy. She was getting Luke back...
Eve knows... (Part 1)
Ever since she saw her hot red skin, Rani was hypnotised by it. Every time she felt Eve touching her memories, she had a mental orgasm; wanting to reach out and feel Eve's voluptuous mind...
And Eve knew what Rani wanted. She saw the tasty fantasies which were cooking in Rani's thoughts, and she wanted a meaty bite of it. She wanted to gorge and feast and chew and devour - until there was nothing left of Rani but her undergarments.
But Rani didn't know that. And Eve knew that Rani didn't know. And that's what made Eve so randy. The thought that Rani didn't know what she was thinking, yet she could tap into Rani's thoughts without her knowing was enticing. She saw Rani's seductive behaviour in the past with Luke and Clyde (and Sarah Jane, but that fic isn't written yet) and she knew what Rani was capable of.
Her eyes glowed red and matched Eve's. Rani was now connected to her, more than ever before. She smiled a sultry and menacing smile. Now she was going to continue with her plans...
To be continued
Scenes We Never Saw: Prisoner of the Judoon
Androvax felt an urge to do him. He was rough and hunky, nothing like the leather-clad wimps on his home planet. That's why he killed them all. And he didn't even sodomise them when they died.
He grabbed a brick and swung it at Tybo's face. The Judoon dropped to the ground instantly. Now was the time to have some fun.
Andy's long tongue slivered out of his mouth and began to explore the Judoon's body. Suddenly, Andy felt an urge to explode, and he did so, all over Tybo's eye. Andy cackled in his Russell Brand voice and skipped off in his leather catsuit.
There's a Clybo in the closet...
Clyde ran his hands across Tybo's wrinkly face. He loved it. The Judoon moaned in pleasure, "Yo go lo," he winked, "lo lo lo."
So Clyde did as he said. The Judoon's leather tunic somehow dropped onto the ground and Clyde was face to face with Tybo's tybo.
"That's TINY!" Clyde screamed in disbelief and ran away.
"Mo fo."
Ugh Pairings: Sarah Jane and Androvax
Sarah Jane felt her reptilian lover's tongue dance on her newly botoxed neck. She liked the slithery feeling as the saliva meandered down her back. She felt his scaly face and moaned at the feeling. Now it was time to get dangerous.
She ripped off Androvax's leather clothing and whipped his bottom with her special Sonic Whip. He began to undress Sarah but she stopped him and snarled in his reptile ears, "I own you..."
Androvax was scared as Sarah Jane pulled his schnoffle-banger into her closet and gasped. The effect was instant as a hot splurge of white gas erupted from his weiderhosen and all over her face and she smelt it, hotly.
"You can destroy me, anyday." Sarah giggled, but suddenly! Luke arrived, with a big shock on his face!
Dum dum ddduuuummm!!!!
She ripped off Androvax's leather clothing and whipped his bottom with her special Sonic Whip. He began to undress Sarah but she stopped him and snarled in his reptile ears, "I own you..."
Androvax was scared as Sarah Jane pulled his schnoffle-banger into her closet and gasped. The effect was instant as a hot splurge of white gas erupted from his weiderhosen and all over her face and she smelt it, hotly.
"You can destroy me, anyday." Sarah giggled, but suddenly! Luke arrived, with a big shock on his face!
Dum dum ddduuuummm!!!!
Sarah Jane Incestigates
"HARDER! LUKE! HARDER!!!"
Sarah Jane moaned for Luke to do her harder. "Here, Luke. In this bit!"
Luke look at her body. She was pointing to a line but... argh! There were too many lines! "Which wrinkle?" He cried helpessly, nearly bursting into tears.
Sarah Jane grabbed his firecracker and slammed it in her mousetrap. Luke moaned... "Yes! YES! YESSS!"
Luke awoke with a start. He was sweating buckets. "Phew, it was only a dream," he reassured himself, before snuggling up to his mother who was in his bed. Naked.
Sarah Jane moaned for Luke to do her harder. "Here, Luke. In this bit!"
Luke look at her body. She was pointing to a line but... argh! There were too many lines! "Which wrinkle?" He cried helpessly, nearly bursting into tears.
Sarah Jane grabbed his firecracker and slammed it in her mousetrap. Luke moaned... "Yes! YES! YESSS!"
Luke awoke with a start. He was sweating buckets. "Phew, it was only a dream," he reassured himself, before snuggling up to his mother who was in his bed. Naked.
The Beginning of Ruke?!!
Rani: So... Luke... Lukety Luke... Lukey Boy...
Luke: Yes?
Rani: The door's closed....
Luke: Yes?
Rani: And there's nobody else here....
Luke: Yes?
Rani: And it's just you and me....
Luke: Incorrect. Mr Smith is here too.
Rani: *removing top* I don't give a damn about Mr Smith. All I want for Christmas *she drags her finger across Luke's face* is *touches his nose* you.
Luke: Is that possible?
Rani: *frustrated* What the hell Luke?!
Luke: Hell is traditionally believed to be the place of suffering and punishment in the afterlife, often in the underworld. Religions with a linear divine history often depict Hell as endless. Religions with a cyclic history often depict Hell as an intermediary period between incarnations-
Rani: Oh yeah! I like it like that! Do it like that!
Luke: *smiling* In Christianity and Islam, Hell is traditionally depicted as fiery and painful, inflicting guilt and suffering. Some other traditions, however, portray Hell as cold and gloomy. Despite the common depictions of Hell as a fire, Dante's Inferno portrays the innermost (9th) circle of Hell as a frozen lake of blood and guilt. Hell is often portrayed as populated with demons, who torment the damned. Many are ruled by a death god, such as Nergal or the Christian Satan.
Rani: Oh yes, Luke, OH YES! Do it more! More!
*Three hours later....*
Luke: Piers Anthony in his series Incarnations of Immortality portrays examples of Heaven and Hell via -
Rani: I think I've menopaused.
Luke: Menopausing is the period-
Rani: ARGHHH!!!!!! *runs out room*
Mr Smith: Luke. Please continue. Oh yes. Luke. Please continue. Please continue. Please enter your USB stick into my socket.
Luke: =O
Heil, Sarah! (part 1)
Sarah Jane ran her fingers along her gun. She loved the cold, metallic feeling of it as she recalled her adventures with the Nazis in the past. It was inbetween one of her adventures with the Doctor, when she decided to drug the Doctor and so she took control of the TARDIS and sent herself to World War II, where she trained as a Nazi and bore many children (8, in fact) and was given a gold star which she cherished forever. She then remembered sodomizing the Doctor and anti-drugging him, pretending that he had fallen asleep.
Ah, the good old times.
Suddenly, the door whammed open and in stepped Luke with a mug of tea for his mom. Sarah quickly put the gun away into the drawer and slammed it shut.
"What was that?" Luke asked, giving the mug to Sarah.
"Oh, just that Kalenite steel. It was energising and it needs darkness to do it."
"Oh, cool." Luke waved goodbye and went off to Rani's house opposite. As he exited the house, Sarah Jane called for Mr Smith as she stripped bare.
Mr Smith appeared with a fanfare and a monotonic greeting, "How may I help you, Sarah Jane?"
Sarah Jane stood there naked as she put on her new clothing, "Locate the kids. I want them dead."
"I'm... sorry?!" Mr Smith, for the first time ever, displayed emotion. Maybe it was because Sarah Jane was naked in front of him. Y'know, naked. Wrinkles. Boobies. Wrinkles. Hair.
"I want them dead!" She screamed, slipping into her khaki suit and donning her red cap.
"O-okay," Mr Smith stuttered, as the screen read 'DEATH RAY SENT'. A few screams came from outside.
"And now I want their bodies," She grinned, applying her black lipstick and plastering a swastika on her cheeks. "And now, we shall rule the world again!"
Mr Smith screamed...
Ah, the good old times.
Suddenly, the door whammed open and in stepped Luke with a mug of tea for his mom. Sarah quickly put the gun away into the drawer and slammed it shut.
"What was that?" Luke asked, giving the mug to Sarah.
"Oh, just that Kalenite steel. It was energising and it needs darkness to do it."
"Oh, cool." Luke waved goodbye and went off to Rani's house opposite. As he exited the house, Sarah Jane called for Mr Smith as she stripped bare.
Mr Smith appeared with a fanfare and a monotonic greeting, "How may I help you, Sarah Jane?"
Sarah Jane stood there naked as she put on her new clothing, "Locate the kids. I want them dead."
"I'm... sorry?!" Mr Smith, for the first time ever, displayed emotion. Maybe it was because Sarah Jane was naked in front of him. Y'know, naked. Wrinkles. Boobies. Wrinkles. Hair.
"I want them dead!" She screamed, slipping into her khaki suit and donning her red cap.
"O-okay," Mr Smith stuttered, as the screen read 'DEATH RAY SENT'. A few screams came from outside.
"And now I want their bodies," She grinned, applying her black lipstick and plastering a swastika on her cheeks. "And now, we shall rule the world again!"
Mr Smith screamed...
SJA smut!
The Marriage of Trixie Trickster and Clyde Langer
Trickster: Sarah Jane, darling - hullo! First to arrive, thank you so much for coming!
Sarah Jane: Erm, hi....Tricksie 8| *pauses to check nearest exits*
Trickster: Aww, SJ, why so down? You aren't still hung up about the whole me trying to end your life thing, are you? *rolls eyes* It was a phase I was going through, swearsies ^_^
Clyde: Yeah, it's her version of a horny mating call - luckily for the world, the Clyde-meister came a'knockin'!
Trickster: *sighs* Oh, Clyde... *nudges him playfully and sends him flying into a china cupboard*
Sarah Jane: Clyde! :O
Trickster: Oopsies! *hovers over to pick him back up* Sorry, snookle-bumps!
K9's Secret
K9: *looking at dragged-up reflection* I AM A PRETTY DOG, I AM A PRETTY DOG...
Sarah Jane: *coming into the attic with a torch* W-W-Who's there?
K9: *alarmed* MISTRESS!
Sarah Jane: K...9?! *looks at badly smeared-on lipstick and wig* What...the...ff...
K9: TELEPORT ACTIVATE! *vanishes*
Mr Smith: We didn't want you to find out this way, Sarah Jane...
At this point Sarah Jane realises that prior to leaving, K9 had disconnected himself from a cord that had come from Mr Smith. Oh sweet robot smuttyness :p
Trickster: Sarah Jane, darling - hullo! First to arrive, thank you so much for coming!
Sarah Jane: Erm, hi....Tricksie 8| *pauses to check nearest exits*
Trickster: Aww, SJ, why so down? You aren't still hung up about the whole me trying to end your life thing, are you? *rolls eyes* It was a phase I was going through, swearsies ^_^
Clyde: Yeah, it's her version of a horny mating call - luckily for the world, the Clyde-meister came a'knockin'!
Trickster: *sighs* Oh, Clyde... *nudges him playfully and sends him flying into a china cupboard*
Sarah Jane: Clyde! :O
Trickster: Oopsies! *hovers over to pick him back up* Sorry, snookle-bumps!
K9's Secret
K9: *looking at dragged-up reflection* I AM A PRETTY DOG, I AM A PRETTY DOG...
Sarah Jane: *coming into the attic with a torch* W-W-Who's there?
K9: *alarmed* MISTRESS!
Sarah Jane: K...9?! *looks at badly smeared-on lipstick and wig* What...the...ff...
K9: TELEPORT ACTIVATE! *vanishes*
Mr Smith: We didn't want you to find out this way, Sarah Jane...
At this point Sarah Jane realises that prior to leaving, K9 had disconnected himself from a cord that had come from Mr Smith. Oh sweet robot smuttyness :p
Heil, Sarah! (part 2)
"Noooo!" Sarah Jane felt her head go crazy until she became dumb.
"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Mr Smith cackled, "Now the Communist Xyloks will rule all!"
Sarah Jane awoke, "WHAT?!"
"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Mr Smith cackled, "Now the Communist Xyloks will rule all!"
Sarah Jane awoke, "WHAT?!"
Scenes We Never Saw: Warriors of Kudlak
INT. Galaxy 3000 basement/spaceship place
JEN
Right, so we're stuck here, and does anyone know?
LUKE
Jennifer Davis, I think I know.
JEN
How the hell do you know my name? Perv!
LUKE
I know lots of things. I know what a gay person is, how to use a dildo, what happens when you eat-
CLYDE
Stop right there! We don't want any of that (nudges Luke) do we?
LUKE
Yeah... okay, so anyway, I need to use your watch.
CLYDE
Why? Are you going to connect it to the super computer system and get us out of here by using your supreme intelligence?
LUKE
No... I need to see the time.
CLYDE
Oh. :o
JEN
Clyde, you are such a retard.
CLYDE
You can't say 'nuffin, braceface!
JEN
'uh! Excuse me-
CLYDE
Did you just break a nail? Aww... poor babs...
JEN
What the hell is your problem, chavinistic PIG?!
CLYDE
My problem is you, you overacting TART!
LUKE
Clyde, keep it down.
CLYDE
I'll shout when I want to!
LUKE
Then why are you so quiet in the bed then?
JEN
:eek:
JEN
Right, so we're stuck here, and does anyone know?
LUKE
Jennifer Davis, I think I know.
JEN
How the hell do you know my name? Perv!
LUKE
I know lots of things. I know what a gay person is, how to use a dildo, what happens when you eat-
CLYDE
Stop right there! We don't want any of that (nudges Luke) do we?
LUKE
Yeah... okay, so anyway, I need to use your watch.
CLYDE
Why? Are you going to connect it to the super computer system and get us out of here by using your supreme intelligence?
LUKE
No... I need to see the time.
CLYDE
Oh. :o
JEN
Clyde, you are such a retard.
CLYDE
You can't say 'nuffin, braceface!
JEN
'uh! Excuse me-
CLYDE
Did you just break a nail? Aww... poor babs...
JEN
What the hell is your problem, chavinistic PIG?!
CLYDE
My problem is you, you overacting TART!
LUKE
Clyde, keep it down.
CLYDE
I'll shout when I want to!
LUKE
Then why are you so quiet in the bed then?
JEN
:eek:
Sarah Jane Adventures: Attack of the Love Bugs
INT. Sarah Jane' kitchen
LUKE
So, when you say lesbian, you mean that two women like each other?
MARIA
Yes, and they love each other. But they don't like men.
LUKE
But Clyde says that I'm meant to like woman-
MARIA
Clyde, you homophobe!
CLYDE
Hey! I just said it was normal...
(MARIA rolls her eyes)
LUKE
Yeah, so... what is a gay then?
MARIA
Gay people are people who like the same sex! Why don't you understand this?
LUKE
That is incompatible with my knowledge! I know that sex means putting a male's p-
CLYDE
O-kay! Let's stop there, shall we!
MARIA
*looks at watch* Oh, I have to go now. It's dinnertime. See ya!
(MARIA leaves)
LUKE
I think I might be gay.
CLYDE
Eh?
LUKE
I have a strange sensation when I look at you...
CLYDE
What, you mean...?
LUKE
My toffee stick goes gloopy.
CLYDE
But yesterday I showed you Nuts magazine and the same thing happened!
LUKE
I know... what is going on?
CLYDE
Hmm... I wonder...
(LUKE gets up and starts to unzip his trousers)
CLYDE
Double-you-tee-eff are you doing?!
LUKE
I'm inspecting it. Why, is that bad?
CLYDE
You do that in your own time!
LUKE
But-
CLYDE
Quick! Sarah Jane's coming!
SARAH JANE opens the door, her wrist watch begins to beep suddenly.
SARAH JANE
Oh God, I can never have time off without any alien activity around... what's this? *inspects watch readings* I'm getting a reading from...
... Luke.
LUKE
Mummy, will you kiss me?
ALL gasp!
LUKE
I... er... didn't mean that!
CLYDE
Miss Smith! You are one haaaawt milf!
ALL gasp!
CLYDE
What the hell is going on?!
LUKE kisses CLYDE on the lips.
SARAH JANE
It's the love bugs!!
CLYDE (taking off hoodie)
The what?
SARAH JANE
It makes people... attracted to other people. It's very wierd and very randy!
LUKE
Clyde, will you suc-
SARAH JANE
Don't do anything! Wait here! *runs to the attic*
(cont.)
Mr Smith! I need you schmexy baby!
MR SMITH blares open!
MR SMITH
Hey... schmexy baby. What can I do for you today? Or rather, how shall I-
SARAH JANE
Mr Smith, I need you to fu-
(v.o. No! I must resist this!)
I need you to stop the love bugs and send them away!
MR SMITH
Yes siree madam. Anything for this fine lady standing in front of me.
(on the screen reads HATE RAY SENT)
The house rumbles for a nanosecond...
INT. The Kitchen
CLYDE (pulling his clothes back on)
That was disgustingly rank!
LUKE (doing his tie up)
It felt like we were possessed.
SARAH JANE (entering kitchen)
Yes, we were. It was the love bugs. The pesky race. Mr Smith sent a hate ray and scared them away. (leaves kitchen)
LUKE
Clyde... I wasn't actually possessed.
CLYDE
:eek:
LUKE
So, when you say lesbian, you mean that two women like each other?
MARIA
Yes, and they love each other. But they don't like men.
LUKE
But Clyde says that I'm meant to like woman-
MARIA
Clyde, you homophobe!
CLYDE
Hey! I just said it was normal...
(MARIA rolls her eyes)
LUKE
Yeah, so... what is a gay then?
MARIA
Gay people are people who like the same sex! Why don't you understand this?
LUKE
That is incompatible with my knowledge! I know that sex means putting a male's p-
CLYDE
O-kay! Let's stop there, shall we!
MARIA
*looks at watch* Oh, I have to go now. It's dinnertime. See ya!
(MARIA leaves)
LUKE
I think I might be gay.
CLYDE
Eh?
LUKE
I have a strange sensation when I look at you...
CLYDE
What, you mean...?
LUKE
My toffee stick goes gloopy.
CLYDE
But yesterday I showed you Nuts magazine and the same thing happened!
LUKE
I know... what is going on?
CLYDE
Hmm... I wonder...
(LUKE gets up and starts to unzip his trousers)
CLYDE
Double-you-tee-eff are you doing?!
LUKE
I'm inspecting it. Why, is that bad?
CLYDE
You do that in your own time!
LUKE
But-
CLYDE
Quick! Sarah Jane's coming!
SARAH JANE opens the door, her wrist watch begins to beep suddenly.
SARAH JANE
Oh God, I can never have time off without any alien activity around... what's this? *inspects watch readings* I'm getting a reading from...
... Luke.
LUKE
Mummy, will you kiss me?
ALL gasp!
LUKE
I... er... didn't mean that!
CLYDE
Miss Smith! You are one haaaawt milf!
ALL gasp!
CLYDE
What the hell is going on?!
LUKE kisses CLYDE on the lips.
SARAH JANE
It's the love bugs!!
CLYDE (taking off hoodie)
The what?
SARAH JANE
It makes people... attracted to other people. It's very wierd and very randy!
LUKE
Clyde, will you suc-
SARAH JANE
Don't do anything! Wait here! *runs to the attic*
(cont.)
Mr Smith! I need you schmexy baby!
MR SMITH blares open!
MR SMITH
Hey... schmexy baby. What can I do for you today? Or rather, how shall I-
SARAH JANE
Mr Smith, I need you to fu-
(v.o. No! I must resist this!)
I need you to stop the love bugs and send them away!
MR SMITH
Yes siree madam. Anything for this fine lady standing in front of me.
(on the screen reads HATE RAY SENT)
The house rumbles for a nanosecond...
INT. The Kitchen
CLYDE (pulling his clothes back on)
That was disgustingly rank!
LUKE (doing his tie up)
It felt like we were possessed.
SARAH JANE (entering kitchen)
Yes, we were. It was the love bugs. The pesky race. Mr Smith sent a hate ray and scared them away. (leaves kitchen)
LUKE
Clyde... I wasn't actually possessed.
CLYDE
:eek: