INT. Sarah Jane' kitchen
LUKE
So, when you say lesbian, you mean that two women like each other?
MARIA
Yes, and they love each other. But they don't like men.
LUKE
But Clyde says that I'm meant to like woman-
MARIA
Clyde, you homophobe!
CLYDE
Hey! I just said it was normal...
(MARIA rolls her eyes)
LUKE
Yeah, so... what is a gay then?
MARIA
Gay people are people who like the same sex! Why don't you understand this?
LUKE
That is incompatible with my knowledge! I know that sex means putting a male's p-
CLYDE
O-kay! Let's stop there, shall we!
MARIA
*looks at watch* Oh, I have to go now. It's dinnertime. See ya!
(MARIA leaves)
LUKE
I think I might be gay.
CLYDE
Eh?
LUKE
I have a strange sensation when I look at you...
CLYDE
What, you mean...?
LUKE
My toffee stick goes gloopy.
CLYDE
But yesterday I showed you Nuts magazine and the same thing happened!
LUKE
I know... what is going on?
CLYDE
Hmm... I wonder...
(LUKE gets up and starts to unzip his trousers)
CLYDE
Double-you-tee-eff are you doing?!
LUKE
I'm inspecting it. Why, is that bad?
CLYDE
You do that in your own time!
LUKE
But-
CLYDE
Quick! Sarah Jane's coming!
SARAH JANE opens the door, her wrist watch begins to beep suddenly.
SARAH JANE
Oh God, I can never have time off without any alien activity around... what's this? *inspects watch readings* I'm getting a reading from...
... Luke.
LUKE
Mummy, will you kiss me?
ALL gasp!
LUKE
I... er... didn't mean that!
CLYDE
Miss Smith! You are one haaaawt milf!
ALL gasp!
CLYDE
What the hell is going on?!
LUKE kisses CLYDE on the lips.
SARAH JANE
It's the love bugs!!
CLYDE (taking off hoodie)
The what?
SARAH JANE
It makes people... attracted to other people. It's very wierd and very randy!
LUKE
Clyde, will you suc-
SARAH JANE
Don't do anything! Wait here! *runs to the attic*
(cont.)
Mr Smith! I need you schmexy baby!
MR SMITH blares open!
MR SMITH
Hey... schmexy baby. What can I do for you today? Or rather, how shall I-
SARAH JANE
Mr Smith, I need you to fu-
(v.o. No! I must resist this!)
I need you to stop the love bugs and send them away!
MR SMITH
Yes siree madam. Anything for this fine lady standing in front of me.
(on the screen reads HATE RAY SENT)
The house rumbles for a nanosecond...
INT. The Kitchen
CLYDE (pulling his clothes back on)
That was disgustingly rank!
LUKE (doing his tie up)
It felt like we were possessed.
SARAH JANE (entering kitchen)
Yes, we were. It was the love bugs. The pesky race. Mr Smith sent a hate ray and scared them away. (leaves kitchen)
LUKE
Clyde... I wasn't actually possessed.
CLYDE
:eek:
LUKE
So, when you say lesbian, you mean that two women like each other?
MARIA
Yes, and they love each other. But they don't like men.
LUKE
But Clyde says that I'm meant to like woman-
MARIA
Clyde, you homophobe!
CLYDE
Hey! I just said it was normal...
(MARIA rolls her eyes)
LUKE
Yeah, so... what is a gay then?
MARIA
Gay people are people who like the same sex! Why don't you understand this?
LUKE
That is incompatible with my knowledge! I know that sex means putting a male's p-
CLYDE
O-kay! Let's stop there, shall we!
MARIA
*looks at watch* Oh, I have to go now. It's dinnertime. See ya!
(MARIA leaves)
LUKE
I think I might be gay.
CLYDE
Eh?
LUKE
I have a strange sensation when I look at you...
CLYDE
What, you mean...?
LUKE
My toffee stick goes gloopy.
CLYDE
But yesterday I showed you Nuts magazine and the same thing happened!
LUKE
I know... what is going on?
CLYDE
Hmm... I wonder...
(LUKE gets up and starts to unzip his trousers)
CLYDE
Double-you-tee-eff are you doing?!
LUKE
I'm inspecting it. Why, is that bad?
CLYDE
You do that in your own time!
LUKE
But-
CLYDE
Quick! Sarah Jane's coming!
SARAH JANE opens the door, her wrist watch begins to beep suddenly.
SARAH JANE
Oh God, I can never have time off without any alien activity around... what's this? *inspects watch readings* I'm getting a reading from...
... Luke.
LUKE
Mummy, will you kiss me?
ALL gasp!
LUKE
I... er... didn't mean that!
CLYDE
Miss Smith! You are one haaaawt milf!
ALL gasp!
CLYDE
What the hell is going on?!
LUKE kisses CLYDE on the lips.
SARAH JANE
It's the love bugs!!
CLYDE (taking off hoodie)
The what?
SARAH JANE
It makes people... attracted to other people. It's very wierd and very randy!
LUKE
Clyde, will you suc-
SARAH JANE
Don't do anything! Wait here! *runs to the attic*
(cont.)
Mr Smith! I need you schmexy baby!
MR SMITH blares open!
MR SMITH
Hey... schmexy baby. What can I do for you today? Or rather, how shall I-
SARAH JANE
Mr Smith, I need you to fu-
(v.o. No! I must resist this!)
I need you to stop the love bugs and send them away!
MR SMITH
Yes siree madam. Anything for this fine lady standing in front of me.
(on the screen reads HATE RAY SENT)
The house rumbles for a nanosecond...
INT. The Kitchen
CLYDE (pulling his clothes back on)
That was disgustingly rank!
LUKE (doing his tie up)
It felt like we were possessed.
SARAH JANE (entering kitchen)
Yes, we were. It was the love bugs. The pesky race. Mr Smith sent a hate ray and scared them away. (leaves kitchen)
LUKE
Clyde... I wasn't actually possessed.
CLYDE
:eek:
