Rani licked Clyde's lollipop.
"Yum! Chocolate flavour!" Rani grinned, taking another lick.
"Yeah it's great, isn't it?" Sarah Jane had a taste.
"Mum, I want a go!" Luke squealed, sounding a lot like Maria.
Sarah Jane was turned on by this.
"I want some more!" Rani was hungry for more. Then she took a nice big bite out of it.
"There's a nice, creamy centre inside." Clyde told him, offering them some more.
The creamy centre exploded all over Rani's face.
"That's not fair." Luke moaned.
"Don't worry Luke, I have lots, especially for you." Sarah Jane said, offering her package.
The End.
Has-Been Girls
Sarah Jane: She's so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Maria Jackson. We were best friends in a year ago. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then after the whole Sontaran incident, I got closer to Clyde who was totally gorgeous, and Maria was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Clyde, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all OAP girls pool party, I was like, "Maria, I can't invite you, because I think you're lesbian." I mean I couldn't have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be old women there in their bathing suits. I mean, right? She was a lesbian. So then her dad called me and started yelling at me, it was so retarded. And then she left and went to America because no one would talk to her, and she came back over for her mum's wedding, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's on Rakweed.
Desperately Seeking Bea Nelson-Stanley - Part One
It was quite hot and Sarah Jane was all alone with Bea. She saw Bea's old, white hair and longed to run her hands through it. Then she blushed as she stared at Bea's skin. Oh it was so wrinkly and bumpy, full of liver spots and random bits of fluff.
Sarah Jane licked her lips at the thought.
Bea croaked and looked back at Sarah Jane, smiling. "I know what you are thinking." She murmured, "Those pesky potato-headed Sontarans wanted some of this too." She undid her Marks & Spencers' cardigan to show Sarah Jane what she was talking about. Sarah Jane's eyes widened at the sight before her.
Sarah Jane made the first move. Her hands brushed across Bea's dentures. A sizzling thrill raced down Sarah Jane's body and ended at her hips. Bea returned the favour by licking Sarah Jane's left earlobe. Sarah Jane went in full force and shoved her hungry face in between Bea's doilies.
Suddenly, the door crashed open and a police officer stood there, amazed. "What the hell is this?!" He squealed. trying to pretend he wasn't turned on by it.
Bea stood back and muttered, "I don't know."
And as Sarah Jane wiped the cobwebs away from her mouth, the policeman arrested her... and through the window, Maria Jackson chuckled...
TO BE CONTINUED!!
Sarah Jane licked her lips at the thought.
Bea croaked and looked back at Sarah Jane, smiling. "I know what you are thinking." She murmured, "Those pesky potato-headed Sontarans wanted some of this too." She undid her Marks & Spencers' cardigan to show Sarah Jane what she was talking about. Sarah Jane's eyes widened at the sight before her.
Sarah Jane made the first move. Her hands brushed across Bea's dentures. A sizzling thrill raced down Sarah Jane's body and ended at her hips. Bea returned the favour by licking Sarah Jane's left earlobe. Sarah Jane went in full force and shoved her hungry face in between Bea's doilies.
Suddenly, the door crashed open and a police officer stood there, amazed. "What the hell is this?!" He squealed. trying to pretend he wasn't turned on by it.
Bea stood back and muttered, "I don't know."
And as Sarah Jane wiped the cobwebs away from her mouth, the policeman arrested her... and through the window, Maria Jackson chuckled...
TO BE CONTINUED!!
Mushy Mash Mosh: Maria/Luke
"Oh Luke, I've spilt mushy peas all over myself." Maria gasped, seductively, vogue-ing her bosoms to identify the problem.
"Er..." Luke was unsure of what to do! Clyde had told him to touch them, but Sarah Jane always told him to respect a woman's Ferrero Rochers. Instead, he trusted his natural, Bane, instincts and leapt forward - tongue out.
"Luke, what the hell?!" Maria stepped back in shock, "What is wrong with you?!"
"I wasn't sure on what to do." Luke looked upset. Maria liked it when Luke was upset.
"Oh, I'm sorry Luke..." Maria put her arm around his head and brought it closer to her voluptuous chest. "There, there..." She patted him on the head, waiting patiently for him to make the next move.
Luke did nothing.
"Oh for heaven's sake, Luke!" Maria moaned, and ripped off her top. "Happy?!"
"Wow." Luke turned his head sideways and watched inquisitively. He reached out to touch the left one to see what it felt like.
"Have you never seen a pair before?!" Maria whined, huffing impatiently.
"No... well I've only ever seen Sarah Jane's. But they're are different. Hers are like teabags. Yours are like... watermelons..." Luke smiled.
Maria was getting so excited!
From the distance, Sarah Jane watched in horror and scowled.
"Bitch."
She ran to Mr Smith, and putting back on her knickers, asked him to do something.
"I need you to fake a letter. Address it to Alan Jackson across the road... from America."
Sarah Jane cackled loudly and rubbed her tummy. She was getting Luke back...
"Er..." Luke was unsure of what to do! Clyde had told him to touch them, but Sarah Jane always told him to respect a woman's Ferrero Rochers. Instead, he trusted his natural, Bane, instincts and leapt forward - tongue out.
"Luke, what the hell?!" Maria stepped back in shock, "What is wrong with you?!"
"I wasn't sure on what to do." Luke looked upset. Maria liked it when Luke was upset.
"Oh, I'm sorry Luke..." Maria put her arm around his head and brought it closer to her voluptuous chest. "There, there..." She patted him on the head, waiting patiently for him to make the next move.
Luke did nothing.
"Oh for heaven's sake, Luke!" Maria moaned, and ripped off her top. "Happy?!"
"Wow." Luke turned his head sideways and watched inquisitively. He reached out to touch the left one to see what it felt like.
"Have you never seen a pair before?!" Maria whined, huffing impatiently.
"No... well I've only ever seen Sarah Jane's. But they're are different. Hers are like teabags. Yours are like... watermelons..." Luke smiled.
Maria was getting so excited!
From the distance, Sarah Jane watched in horror and scowled.
"Bitch."
She ran to Mr Smith, and putting back on her knickers, asked him to do something.
"I need you to fake a letter. Address it to Alan Jackson across the road... from America."
Sarah Jane cackled loudly and rubbed her tummy. She was getting Luke back...
Sarah Jane Adventures: Attack of the Love Bugs
INT. Sarah Jane' kitchen
LUKE
So, when you say lesbian, you mean that two women like each other?
MARIA
Yes, and they love each other. But they don't like men.
LUKE
But Clyde says that I'm meant to like woman-
MARIA
Clyde, you homophobe!
CLYDE
Hey! I just said it was normal...
(MARIA rolls her eyes)
LUKE
Yeah, so... what is a gay then?
MARIA
Gay people are people who like the same sex! Why don't you understand this?
LUKE
That is incompatible with my knowledge! I know that sex means putting a male's p-
CLYDE
O-kay! Let's stop there, shall we!
MARIA
*looks at watch* Oh, I have to go now. It's dinnertime. See ya!
(MARIA leaves)
LUKE
I think I might be gay.
CLYDE
Eh?
LUKE
I have a strange sensation when I look at you...
CLYDE
What, you mean...?
LUKE
My toffee stick goes gloopy.
CLYDE
But yesterday I showed you Nuts magazine and the same thing happened!
LUKE
I know... what is going on?
CLYDE
Hmm... I wonder...
(LUKE gets up and starts to unzip his trousers)
CLYDE
Double-you-tee-eff are you doing?!
LUKE
I'm inspecting it. Why, is that bad?
CLYDE
You do that in your own time!
LUKE
But-
CLYDE
Quick! Sarah Jane's coming!
SARAH JANE opens the door, her wrist watch begins to beep suddenly.
SARAH JANE
Oh God, I can never have time off without any alien activity around... what's this? *inspects watch readings* I'm getting a reading from...
... Luke.
LUKE
Mummy, will you kiss me?
ALL gasp!
LUKE
I... er... didn't mean that!
CLYDE
Miss Smith! You are one haaaawt milf!
ALL gasp!
CLYDE
What the hell is going on?!
LUKE kisses CLYDE on the lips.
SARAH JANE
It's the love bugs!!
CLYDE (taking off hoodie)
The what?
SARAH JANE
It makes people... attracted to other people. It's very wierd and very randy!
LUKE
Clyde, will you suc-
SARAH JANE
Don't do anything! Wait here! *runs to the attic*
(cont.)
Mr Smith! I need you schmexy baby!
MR SMITH blares open!
MR SMITH
Hey... schmexy baby. What can I do for you today? Or rather, how shall I-
SARAH JANE
Mr Smith, I need you to fu-
(v.o. No! I must resist this!)
I need you to stop the love bugs and send them away!
MR SMITH
Yes siree madam. Anything for this fine lady standing in front of me.
(on the screen reads HATE RAY SENT)
The house rumbles for a nanosecond...
INT. The Kitchen
CLYDE (pulling his clothes back on)
That was disgustingly rank!
LUKE (doing his tie up)
It felt like we were possessed.
SARAH JANE (entering kitchen)
Yes, we were. It was the love bugs. The pesky race. Mr Smith sent a hate ray and scared them away. (leaves kitchen)
LUKE
Clyde... I wasn't actually possessed.
CLYDE
:eek:
LUKE
So, when you say lesbian, you mean that two women like each other?
MARIA
Yes, and they love each other. But they don't like men.
LUKE
But Clyde says that I'm meant to like woman-
MARIA
Clyde, you homophobe!
CLYDE
Hey! I just said it was normal...
(MARIA rolls her eyes)
LUKE
Yeah, so... what is a gay then?
MARIA
Gay people are people who like the same sex! Why don't you understand this?
LUKE
That is incompatible with my knowledge! I know that sex means putting a male's p-
CLYDE
O-kay! Let's stop there, shall we!
MARIA
*looks at watch* Oh, I have to go now. It's dinnertime. See ya!
(MARIA leaves)
LUKE
I think I might be gay.
CLYDE
Eh?
LUKE
I have a strange sensation when I look at you...
CLYDE
What, you mean...?
LUKE
My toffee stick goes gloopy.
CLYDE
But yesterday I showed you Nuts magazine and the same thing happened!
LUKE
I know... what is going on?
CLYDE
Hmm... I wonder...
(LUKE gets up and starts to unzip his trousers)
CLYDE
Double-you-tee-eff are you doing?!
LUKE
I'm inspecting it. Why, is that bad?
CLYDE
You do that in your own time!
LUKE
But-
CLYDE
Quick! Sarah Jane's coming!
SARAH JANE opens the door, her wrist watch begins to beep suddenly.
SARAH JANE
Oh God, I can never have time off without any alien activity around... what's this? *inspects watch readings* I'm getting a reading from...
... Luke.
LUKE
Mummy, will you kiss me?
ALL gasp!
LUKE
I... er... didn't mean that!
CLYDE
Miss Smith! You are one haaaawt milf!
ALL gasp!
CLYDE
What the hell is going on?!
LUKE kisses CLYDE on the lips.
SARAH JANE
It's the love bugs!!
CLYDE (taking off hoodie)
The what?
SARAH JANE
It makes people... attracted to other people. It's very wierd and very randy!
LUKE
Clyde, will you suc-
SARAH JANE
Don't do anything! Wait here! *runs to the attic*
(cont.)
Mr Smith! I need you schmexy baby!
MR SMITH blares open!
MR SMITH
Hey... schmexy baby. What can I do for you today? Or rather, how shall I-
SARAH JANE
Mr Smith, I need you to fu-
(v.o. No! I must resist this!)
I need you to stop the love bugs and send them away!
MR SMITH
Yes siree madam. Anything for this fine lady standing in front of me.
(on the screen reads HATE RAY SENT)
The house rumbles for a nanosecond...
INT. The Kitchen
CLYDE (pulling his clothes back on)
That was disgustingly rank!
LUKE (doing his tie up)
It felt like we were possessed.
SARAH JANE (entering kitchen)
Yes, we were. It was the love bugs. The pesky race. Mr Smith sent a hate ray and scared them away. (leaves kitchen)
LUKE
Clyde... I wasn't actually possessed.
CLYDE
:eek: